I Want to Be Free

Ahh, Memorial Day.  I usually celebrate my freedom under a sprinkler with a cool drink, eating food cooked over an open flame, and closing it out with s’mores under a starry sky, completely ignoring the purpose of the holiday other than it meaning an extra day off for Steve…and therefore kind of a day off for me too.  A video was played yesterday morning at church that reminded me of the freedom I take for granted living in this country.  I was thankful for the reminder.  I needed it.

But, it also reminded me that there are different levels of freedom.  We have freedom in this country, but we can still be in bondage to other things.  I find myself saying, Lord, I just want to be free.  I want the freedom you promised, the freedom you offer, the freedom I sometimes taste.  But, I’m so shadowed by voices of the Enemy, telling me I’m not doing it right, to work harder, to remind me I’m not meeting a standard – even when God abolished all those standards.  He shredded them.  He threw them to the ground crushing them into a fine dust forever, to be taken by the wind.  

I want to live to be free to love him the way I want, to let him lead me, to go about my day not trying to meet a mark, but just to be with him.  Thank you for abolishing all that crap, God.  The crap the modern-day Pharisees dish out.  The crap I have dished out and smeared on people’s souls in your name:  the rules, the guidelines, the charts, the three-step processes, all put forth to get a person to grow, just like I did (or thought I did), when in reality, everyone’s spiritual growth is like a fingerprint – they’re all different.  No two journeys are alike.  No two paths move in the same meandering way.  

I live in a free country, and yet I am not free.  Not when I focus my energy on living up to other’s standards and avoiding mistakes.  Thankfully, God constantly seeks after me to accept this freedom, to let him carry my burdens.  That is the ultimate level of freedom.
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