10 Clues That I’m Living in 2012

I’m hooking up with Stasha at The Good Life for Monday Listicles. And thanks to Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures, whose hilarious lists made me want to join in the fun.
This week’s prompt is 10 clues that you are living in 2012. Here’s my list:
  1. My preferred hairdo no longer resembles Betsy Ross. 
    Is that the San Andreas fault between my two front teeth?
  2. Poison and Bon Jovi are now considered Classic Rock.
  3. I no longer have cookbooks on my shelves because I have Pinterest.

  4. I graduated to a bathing suit with a mom-skirt. Man, aren’t these the best things ever? They hide all things bad in this world, namely, my butt. I wish they had been cool to wear in high school. Then I wouldn’t have worn a t-shirt “to prevent sunburn” to actually hide my body. And of course the t-shirt was LARGE because everything in the 80′s was large. I’d do a handstand in the water or some other show-offey acrobat and come up for air like a sperm whale entangled in a giant squid. Then I’d climb the ladder to get out, dragging my giant squid behind me, only to be overwhelmed by the weight and fall back in…repeatedly.
  5. My calendar says it’s 2012. It’s a good thing I have one because even though we’re about four months shy of 2013, I’m still accidentally writing 2011 on everything.
  6. Image: Cleaverb’s TV Corner
    Blair, from The Facts of Life, is going to be on the next Survivor. Is this an indication of poor ratings? You know, if they really want to boost their ratings, they should have Tootie on the show and make all the contestants wear roller skates. Even better, have Mrs. Garrett or Cloris Leachman, dishing out condescending advice on life and make George (Clooney) the grand prize. I would totally watch that.
  7. I don’t have to use a phone to communicate to friends and family. I can email, Skype, Disqus, Pin, Face Time, ooVoo, blog, Facebook, Tweet, text, SongPop, and use carrier pigeons (I hear they’re back in vogue).
  8. We drive a car that gets 60 mpg. Granted in order to get that gas mileage it’s guaranteed we’ll be flipped the bird a few times a day. Like today for instance, I was in the left lane accelerating – or trying to without going into “Power mode”.  So Mr. 1960-something convertible passed me and waved a double high-five (speed limit 55) and a “move to the right lane” signal with his thumb. At least he was polite and didn’t wave his middle finger. 
    Speaking of road rage…okay, that probably doesn’t qualify as road rage, but I need a segue into this next story.  One time, years ago, I was driving home from work and a man was tail-gating me in the left lane. We were both exceeding the speed limit and my left turn was a mile ahead. He zoomed past me and cut me off and I gave him the most endearing, sarcastic wave I could muster. I stopped behind him at the next stop light and he proceeded to get out of his car and huff toward mine. Crap! All I could picture was this guy punching through my glass window and choking me. As soon as he got close to my car, I floored the accelerator and sped off between him and his car, barely missing his feet. In my rearview mirror he was raising his fist at me. I made a left turn into my neighborhood and drove around making unnecessary turns for five minutes fearing he might have followed me. I got home and broke down, crying and shaking.  I don’t think I’ve used my endearing,  sarcastic wave since then.
  9. You can get longer thicker eyelashes without even using mascara. Just use Latisse. I go on an internal tirade every time I walk through the mall and see Brooke Shields or Claire Danes advertising this crap. My thoughts usually go something like this: There are starving people all over the world that could be fed by the money funneled into Latisse! There’s no cure for Malaria because all the  research money is spent on vanity! All that money being wasted makes me sick! Then I walk into Starbucks and by a five dollar cup of coffee.
  10. A cup of coffee can cost five dollars.
    That was fun!  I think I’ll try it again next week, when, per Stasha, the list should have something to do with school.
    Leave a comment telling me what clues you into knowing this year is 2012.  
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Comments

10 Clues That I’m Living in 2012 — 31 Comments

  1. Enjoyed reading your list but a little worried I’m not living in 2012 after thinking what my answers would be, I have a recipe book shelf and keep buying books even though rarely use them! He he!

  2. Great list – and thanks so much for the link love! I’m so flattered, and thrilled you joined the Listicles ranks. :)

    “Like a sperm whale entangled in a giant squid” will go down as the best description of 80′s T-shirt swimming in the history of ever. And even though I don’t watch Survivor, I would TOTALLY watch your Facts of Life version. :D

    • You’ve earned the link love! Thanks for being so funny. I laugh everyday, except weekends, because of you. When you write your first book, I’m totally buying it.

  3. My friends are finding free e-books online and sharing them on Dropbox, but I can’t figure out how to use it so I have to pay for my books. The same books they have all acquired for free.

    An eighth grader at my sons school told us most kids have a cell phone in 7th grade. -Tammy

  4. I hear ya. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get rid of physical books. i’ve read a couple on my iPad, but it’s just not the same.

  5. I’m with you on the bathing suit skirt. I buy the skirt coverup to match the bikini. I figure as a woman of a certain age — I deserve to spend a little extra money on one.

  6. Wait, Blair is going to be on Survivor? I’m so out of touch. How did I not know this.
    This – “Then I’d climb the ladder to get out, dragging my
    giant squid behind me” – made me laugh so hard. Only because I fully remember the large size of everything in the 80′s, including my hair.

  7. Carrier pigeons—Bwahahahahahahaha You’re a riot! Uh-oh. I use that same wave. Accompanied by a huge smile. And it really makes people angry. Actually, I think they’re already angry which is why they cut me off or whatever in the first place. Your list is great and your sense of humor is even better!

  8. Thanks Pam! Every time I’m tempted to use that wave…which is often, I remember that man, and then next I think about how the guy might be packing a gun. Yikes! That usually keeps me in line. ;-)

  9. Great list! And what a crazy road rage story! So scary, but I’m glad you were okay. And Fact of Life….I loved that show! :)

  10. Blair on survivor…now that ought to be interesting…they should throw tootie on too while they are at it!

  11. I have Starbucks daily. That is a great reality check just how serious I am about making this world a better place… You know, after I spend Lesotho’s per capita a year on java. PS Bon Jovi has short hair, that’s so new century ha?

  12. Haaaa this is a great way to put a laugh in my morning!! I will admit I would sooo still be able to pull of the 80′s hair, my hair is sooo thick!! At least all your hair “fit” into that picture….
    I can’t put $5 worth of gas in my car and go for days…… but I really thought by now we would be closer to how the Jetsons lived….. :)

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