This week’s prompt is 10 clues that you are living in 2012. Here’s my list:
My preferred hairdo no longer resembles Betsy Ross. Seriously, it was high on the top with lots of long curls. Way too much work.
Poison and Bon Jovi are now considered Classic Rock.
I no longer have cookbooks on my shelves because I have Pinterest.
I graduated to a bathing suit with a mom-skirt. Man, aren’t these the best things ever? They hide all things bad in this world – like the candy bar I ate for lunch. I wish they had been cool to wear in high school. Then I wouldn’t have worn a t-shirt “to prevent sunburn” to actually hide my body. And of course the t-shirt was LARGE because everything in the 80’s was large. I’d do a handstand in the water or some other show-offey acrobat and come up for air like a sperm whale entangled in a giant squid. Then I’d climb the ladder to get out, dragging my giant squid behind me, only to be overwhelmed by the weight and fall back in…repeatedly.
My calendar says it’s 2012. It’s a good thing I have one because even though we’re about four months shy of 2013, I’m still accidentally writing 2011 on everything.
Blair, from The Facts of Life, is going to be on the next Survivor. Is this an indication of poor ratings? You know, if they really want to boost their ratings, they should have Tootie on the show and make all the contestants wear roller skates. Even better, have Mrs. Garrett or Cloris Leachman, dishing out condescending advice on life and make George (Clooney) the grand prize. I would totally watch that
I don’t have to use a phone to communicate to friends and family. I can email, Skype, Disqus, Pin, Face Time, ooVoo, blog, Facebook, Tweet, text, SongPop, and use carrier pigeons (I hear they’re back in vogue).
We drive a car that gets 60 mpg. Granted in order to get that gas mileage it’s guaranteed we’ll be flipped the bird a few times a day. Like today for instance, I was in the left lane accelerating – or trying to without going into “Power mode”. So Mr. 1960-something convertible passed me and waved a double high-five (speed limit 55) and a “move to the right lane” signal with his thumb. At least he was polite and didn’t wave his middle finger.
Speaking of road rage…okay, that probably doesn’t qualify as road rage, but I need a segue into this next story. One time, years ago, I was driving home from work and a man was tail-gating me in the left lane. We were both exceeding the speed limit and my left turn was a mile ahead. He zoomed past me and cut me off and I gave him the most endearing, sarcastic wave I could muster. I stopped behind him at the next stop light and he proceeded to get out of his car and huff toward mine. Crap! All I could picture was this guy punching through my glass window and choking me. As soon as he got close to my car, I floored the accelerator and sped off between him and his car, barely missing his feet. In my rearview mirror he was raising his fist at me. I made a left turn into my neighborhood and drove around making unnecessary turns for five minutes fearing he might have followed me. I got home and broke down, crying and shaking. I don’t think I’ve used my endearing, sarcastic wave since then.
You can get longer thicker eyelashes without even using mascara. Just use Latisse. I go on an internal tirade every time I walk through the mall and see Brooke Shields or Claire Danes advertising this crap. My thoughts usually go something like this: There are starving people all over the world that could be fed by the money funneled into Latisse! There’s no cure for Malaria because all the research money is spent on vanity! All that money being wasted makes me sick! Then I walk into Starbucks and by a five dollar cup of coffee.
A cup of coffee can cost five dollars.
That was fun! I think I’ll try it again next week, when, per Stasha, the list should have something to do with school.