What Are You Afraid Of?

The Ever-Popular
Slug Mating Ritual
Image: FCPS.edu

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 2: Three legitimate fears and how I got them:

1.  Slugs

As a child I prayed, God, please remove all slugs from the earth.  Apparently, He honored that prayer...kind of.  He moved me to a part of the country where they don't exist - or at least I haven't seen them.  I've detested them since that one evening my friend, Dana, and I were out in her back yard playing on her retaining wall.  I laid my hand on the wall and felt a wet slimy bump spread out under the pressure of it.  I shined my flashlight on the wall only to find 20 three-inch long slugs stuck along the top and sides like leeches sucking on a person's leg.  I ran inside the house screaming.

From then on, I had visions of slugs waiting to hitch rides on my back and suck the life out of me.  Never mind that they only eat plants.  I figured I would be attacked by the lone mutant and be found dead next to a damp wall somewhere, paper white and shriveled.  The thought of having one near me scares the crap out of me.

2.  My husband's driving

Steve is known to enjoy beautiful scenery.  So much so that on a trip to Alaska 12 years ago, while gazing at the majestic snow-capped mountains, he veered into the neighboring lane of oncoming traffic.  When he looked forward again, a car was coming at us blaring it's horn.  He quickly steered back into our lane, but not without forcing us to make a pit stop so I could change my pants.

Steve is just curious about things going on outside the car. It's not uncommon to find our car running over a curb or crossing a yellow line a few times a month.  Therefore it only makes sense that I would either fear for my life or always stay alert.  Like when he turns his head at a 90 degree angle to have a conversation with me while tailgating a 1984 Cadillac Seville at 50 miles per hour.  Who's watching the road?  I am.  So if a deer jumps out or a buffalo, or granny suddenly stops to turn in for an early bird special, I can scream, and he'll immediately slam his arm across my chest and screech to an immediate halt.  It's a team effort.  

Admittedly, he may have a slightly different perspective on his driving.  But...whatever.

What Steve looks like when he's driving.

3.  Roller coasters

You could not pay me enough money to get on a roller coaster.  Seriously, I think I'd die of fright or a heart attack just from the anticipation of the click, click, click, going up the first hill.  Unless, of course, its Spacely's Sprocket Rocket in the kid's area at Great America.  That one I can handle.  

Spacely's Sprocket Rocket
Image: Theme Park Review

But, honestly, the real horror at Great America is when you're excited to have three free tickets and you think how that's a savings of at least $120, but then you still spend $220 on two tickets, parking, and food with prices that rob your wallet.  And don't forget the $15 locker that could hold a small child, but you only need it for your Razr phone and credit card while you're standing in the 30 minute line, where your sons are invading the personal space of the bikini-clad college girl in front of you with their incessant fighting and knocking each other over into her rear end.  All this so you can spend five minutes, being shoved and splashed by foul-mouthed 12-year olds, on your lazy river raft, while one of your children is screaming off and on and off and on the entire float because he has something (maybe water?) in his left eye.  

But this is actually good compared to where you are two hours later.   Standing in a 45 minute line in 90 degree heat to take a two minute ride that gets your socks and shoes soaked, so when you walk you squish water out the sides of your Asics for the rest of the day, only to find that when you peel the soggy foot sweaters off your feet that night, your toes are white and have been rubbed raw.  The blood stains on your socks are from the water park pool floors which are made of something akin to crushed glass.  All of this after getting only four and a half hours of sleep because you stayed up until 2am watching designers make dresses out of Jordan almonds and gummi sharks on Project Runway.  

Please remind me never to do that again...like I did last Friday.  That is the real horror.

So what are you afraid of?  Leave your fears in a comment.

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