Hmm…greatest pain…well, I hear giving birth is pretty painful, but I’ve never done that. So, besides the few times I’ve been really constipated, I’d have to go with the time I fell off my bike when I was seven-ish and “cracked my head open” on a raised man-hole cover.
So obviously this was long before the helmet law. Because I was a law-abiding citizen and would have never gone without a helmet…when my mom was looking. So, Janice (my partner in crime) and I went to the top of Norton Road, a very steep road (my mom was at work) and rode down it. Half way down the
hill mountain, the chain casually slipped off my bike and the foot breaks (the only breaks) went with it. That’s when I lost control, wobbled, met the manhole, and cracked my head open.
“Cracked my head open,” was the way I referred to it to all my friends. Like I was Humpty Dumpty laying on the ground with my skull split in two jagged halves and my brain exposed. I was totally cool for about 12 minutes.
Although the impact with the iron manhole hurt and there was a trail of blood down my shirt that, from a distance, could have been mistaken for a ZZ Top beard, the real pain was in the emergency room.
See the blood running down that man’s shirt?…Wait, that’s a beard.
Well, mine was blood.
…and it was down my back.
The doctor, whom I did not like, mainly because of what he did to me: jammed chopstick-sized needles into my head with no anesthetic (that I recall), and I’m sure there were other reasons, like he probably cheated on his wife, beat his kids with those same needles, and various other not nice things.
I did everything I could to kick off the doctor and the four orderlies holding my limbs and head down, while I screamed (as if I were giving birth). But they were strong and undeterred. I think it was over in less than five minutes, but it felt like five hours in my seven year old head. I mean how long could five stitches take?
I remember, later over ice cream, my dad telling me how brave I was. I thought, what…? Did he…? Was he in the room with me or some other kid? Because I was a freaked out screaming maniac. Perhaps my dad was referring to the calmness I displayed before the doctor did needlepoint on my head. But, that wasn’t bravery, that was merely ignorant bliss.
So, yeah, that’s the most physical pain I’ve endured…but that constipation was pretty bad too.
What’s the greatest pain you’ve ever experienced? And childbirth doesn’t count because that’s a given…unless it was some crazy situation where your body was split in half.
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