Dear Naked Barbie Doll Lying In My Hallway

Dear Song Pop,

I’m afraid our friendship may be dwindling.  I know, we’ve been through so much together. You’ve entertained me and reconnected me with old friends. I’ve forgotten about the pain you caused my wrist and the stunt you pulled with putting the Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson in the same set of answers and made me miss.  I’ve let bygones be bygones.  But, I fear I’m getting bored with our relationship. I’ve heard all the songs. All the tunes have annoyingly been stuck in my head. We’ve had a good run, you and me. I’ll never forget you for the…wait. What’s that? A new genre? Ska Punk? Oh, I have to buy it. Forget the part about being bored. I was kidding.


Dear New Running Shoes,

I’m sorry I wasn’t overjoyed buying you. I mean, shoe shopping is not my favorite activity. But, I did choose you. Did you know that? I did. I chose you. You are so pretty with your neon pink soles and laces, and I love the way you cup my heel. But, sadly, I found out a little too late, that you are too big. My feet slide out of you and my toes spread out like a starfish inside you. The store says I can’t take you back because we walked together on the treadmill too long. And I’m out fifty-five dollars. So, I’m sorry that it has come to this, but now…I hate your guts.

Not So Much Love,

Dear Naked Barbie Doll Lying In My Hallway,

I know that your sole purpose in life is to be used as a key. Your slender hand fits so perfectly into our bedroom door key holes. But for goodness sakes, put on some clothes, you disproportionate hussy! My husband is not comfortable with your exhibitionist ways. Perhaps that mint green evening gown? Or that denim frock you wore on that date with Spider-Man last month? You have more clothes than I do, so you should be able to find something in that paper bag you call a closet. I dressed you myself today in that blue mermaid skirt and pink flannel top with the Velcro fastener. But I came through the hallway a few hours later and you were naked again! This is unacceptable. If you are not able to control your denuding impulses, you will be evicted from the premises immediately upon notice.


and a letter of reflection…

Dear Jesus,

I feel far from you lately. I long for past times when I felt you so close that I thought I could literally feel you. I miss you. Even when I spend time with you in the mornings I feel like we’re two lovers laying in bed wide awake, doing nothing, but facing opposite walls. What have I done or not done to cause this? Are my ears shut? Am I too busy surrounding my self with things? Things that have nothing to do with you?

Perhaps these things are really me. I’m so into me that I can’t see what’s around me. I can’t see You. You long for me and the day I will come to the end of me. Until then you patiently wait, watching the length of that dusty road for the day I come staggering home. I hope that day comes soon.



  1. dawns_disaster says

    Oh, geeze, you had me scared about SongPop for a second. Not that I’m looking forward to Ska Punk (though I did consider buting Bollywood so I could beat you two), I’d be sad if you were done.

    Dear Kate’s Feet,
    Please shrink so that she can fit into kids’ size shoes and buy the $5.98 light up heeled ones. After that, she can be truly overjoyed when she takes her girl(s) Mothers Day shopping and buys them all matching shoes. Sizes 9, 12, and 5.5.
    Thank you,

  2. Claudia says

    The first three letters literally had me laughing out loud. The Barbie one, especially!
    Your letter to Jesus is so touching, so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your heart and reaching out to Jesus in such a sweet way.


  3. Carol says

    Love your letter to Barbie. I think it is genetic, this nude thing, ’cause the Barbies at our house do the same thing. And sometimes they must have meetings ’cause there are groups of them laying around with out clothes.

  4. ashley slater says

    ugh, sorry about your running shoes! shoes are SO hard to find…you have to go to a place that will fit you and watch you walk and usually you have to spend about $100 to get a great pair that will last and not cause injury. obviously I have a lot to say on the subject! haha loved your letters, thanks for linking up with me!

  5. Dani Hall says

    Dear Kate,
    I am so glad you have found something new in Song Pop, I was almost in tears when I read your letter. Even thought you kick my a$% most of the time I so look forward to my a least daily spanking by you. My Song Pop play would not be as fun with out you. I too was thinking that it might be time to move on but alas, I just can’t.

    I have to tell you that I was laughing so hard at the Barbie letter the students walking past my office stopped to ask if I was ok. I so love your blog. Please continue to write (and play Song Pop).

    your friend,

  6. Kate Hahn says

    Kate, I stumbled acorss your blog on the link up! That post was great and I love the sarcasm! I especially loved your Dear Jesus letter! I’m also a “Kate” who loves Jesus so we have something right there!! Enjoyed reading today!

  7. says

    LOLOLOLOL! Yeah, what’s the deal. I don’t remember me having my Barbies naked all the time. Of course, I don’t remember anything before age 5, so that’s probably about the time that fashion became important to me.

  8. says

    Boy, I need to find that place. I’m so cheap going to Famous Footwear, then I buy a pair of cheap crappy shoes I can’t return, then go and buy another pair, when had I just forked over the $100 in the first place I would have saved some time…and would probably have a better fit.

  9. says

    Okay…you’ve made me cry twice in this post.

    Once with the Barbie letter. I laughed so hard reading it that I couldn’t stop crying. I even read it out loud to my husband and laughed and cried even harder.

    The second time was your letter to Jesus. Girl, you sure do have a way with words. So much so that I find I can close my eyes and see me in that same scenario (which is pretty close to the truth about now).
    Don’t ever stop writing! Funny or serious, you are ALWAYS entertaining! Have an AWESOME weekend dear sister! :)

  10. Brieann D says

    Oh wow, I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog from Friday Letters! I am loving that you also consider barbie a hussy! hahaha My barbies were always naked and hung out with naked Ken. I think my mother worried about me. Newest follower!

  11. says

    Lol! My Barbie was always getting married and having babies. The baby was plastic and made from a mold, so it couldn’t move any parts, but I stuck it up Barbie’s dress anyway, to give her that pregnant effect. Ha!

  12. Honey Holden says

    That stinks about your running shoes. I always dread it when that time rolls around for me. I have crazy feet that get blisters before I even put them in the shoes. It’s huge when I actually find some that work for me.

  13. Rosey says

    I read once that sometimes we feel distant from Jesus but it’s okay, he’s never gone, just watching us get stronger as we build up our faith on our own.

    And I HATE when gorgeous shoes/boots don’t fit right AFTER you’ve bought them. I have a fabulous pair of boots…still sitting in their box unworn again after one try. Boo.

    Found you on the Sunday Blog Hop. Happy to be following w/GFC.

  14. says

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, today. I couldn’t be any happier to be following you! lol–the first thing I read on here was “Song Pop” and I’m playing that, right now. I just played it for the first time last night (I know, been out of the loop, right?!), and I love it! I had a feeling they replayed songs, though, because I’m a rock-music-loving-girl and I’m getting beat by a few seconds by my rap-music-loving-friends :) At least, I know I’m not losing my touch; I’m just getting tricked by cover bands and similar names 😉 yay! OH! Love those shoes!!! Naked Barbie–ah ha!

    ttfn! Daydreaming Realist

  15. Menopausalmother says

    Brilliant post!! You had me laughing about the shoes and the Barbie,then some deep contemplation about Jesus! Well done!! Following you back via GFC!

  16. Meredith says

    I can relate on all of these letters, especially last. Praying for that coming home myself. Also, as said below, I’m incredibly wowed by how classily you work Barbie being a hussy into the same post with a letter to Jesus–that takes talent! :)

  17. says

    Thanks! I had like 9 letters and my husband picked the best ones. That’s what I ended up with. I have to confess that he was the one that suggested working the word hussy into the letter. And I think that’s what made it so stinking funny. I’m glad he’s not a writer, so I can steal everything he says.

  18. Cathy says

    Love the Barbie! Just wrote in my journal the last few days the same thing about Jesus. You put it very well. Glad you can be funny and write about Jesus too!

  19. rorybore says

    Just like I said – I’m here!
    and laughing. but with you – I have the same naked Barbie epidemic here. And Ken is always missing his head. they might be related.
    also, my pants be just fine :)

  20. jamie@southmainmuse says

    I always said that Barbie’s became nudists the minute the crossed our threshold. Sorry about the running shoes. I’m a little OCD about them (my running shoes.)

  21. says

    I’m trying to figure out a way to even wear them. I considered stuffing them with maxi-pads or something, so my foot will fit. I still haven’t bought another pair. Still depressed over these.

  22. Chris HyeThymeCafe says

    I’m almost afraid to ask what necessitated figuring out that Barbie’s hand can open your bedroom door LOL. Makes me think of my first car. My Mom was upgrading her Caddy and passed her ancient one on to me. The trunk key for that car was like a skeleton key – it opened everything!! Came in very handy for several years, but it was lost somewhere along the way. :(

    Hmmmm, maybe your Barbie suffered a traumatic experience as a toddler that stunted her emotional development. Toddlers are famous for tearing off their clothing wherever they may be. I think she needs therapy! 😉

    As for your sneakers, maybe doubling up on thick socks??? That sux, especially when they were for running. It’s one thing to walk around in shoes that are too big, but running?? [#TALU]

  23. Kenya Johnson says

    Sweet letter to Jesus. The letter to the shoes cracked me up. That’s how I feel about my emergency fat jeans I bought last month. I never wore them and I can’t find the the receipt! TALU

  24. j.b.everett says

    I’ve never had to confront a naked Barbie in my hallway. Legos, however, hurt like hell when you step on them. (Probably had my own message to God in that moment). TALU

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