I’m afraid our friendship may be dwindling. I know, we’ve been through so much together. You’ve entertained me and reconnected me with old friends. I’ve forgotten about the pain you caused my wrist and the stunt you pulled with putting the Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson in the same set of answers and made me miss. I’ve let bygones be bygones. But, I fear I’m getting bored with our relationship. I’ve heard all the songs. All the tunes have annoyingly been stuck in my head. We’ve had a good run, you and me. I’ll never forget you for the…wait. What’s that? A new genre? Ska Punk? Oh, I have to buy it. Forget the part about being bored. I was kidding.
Dear New Running Shoes,
I’m sorry I wasn’t overjoyed buying you. I mean, shoe shopping is not my favorite activity. But, I did choose you. Did you know that? I did. I chose you. You are so pretty with your neon pink soles and laces, and I love the way you cup my heel. But, sadly, I found out a little too late, that you are too big. My feet slide out of you and my toes spread out like a starfish inside you. The store says I can’t take you back because we walked together on the treadmill too long. And I’m out fifty-five dollars. So, I’m sorry that it has come to this, but now…I hate your guts.
Not So Much Love,
Dear Naked Barbie Doll Lying In My Hallway,
I know that your sole purpose in life is to be used as a key. Your slender hand fits so perfectly into our bedroom door key holes. But for goodness sakes, put on some clothes, you disproportionate hussy! My husband is not comfortable with your exhibitionist ways. Perhaps that mint green evening gown? Or that denim frock you wore on that date with Spider-Man last month? You have more clothes than I do, so you should be able to find something in that paper bag you call a closet. I dressed you myself today in that blue mermaid skirt and pink flannel top with the Velcro fastener. But I came through the hallway a few hours later and you were naked again! This is unacceptable. If you are not able to control your denuding impulses, you will be evicted from the premises immediately upon notice.
and a letter of reflection…
I feel far from you lately. I long for past times when I felt you so close that I thought I could literally feel you. I miss you. Even when I spend time with you in the mornings I feel like we’re two lovers laying in bed wide awake, doing nothing, but facing opposite walls. What have I done or not done to cause this? Are my ears shut? Am I too busy surrounding my self with things? Things that have nothing to do with you?
Perhaps these things are really me. I’m so into me that I can’t see what’s around me. I can’t see You. You long for me and the day I will come to the end of me. Until then you patiently wait, watching the length of that dusty road for the day I come staggering home. I hope that day comes soon.