What’s the worst “compliment” you’ve ever received? We’ve all gotten them. Coded in syrupy-sweet words is a cut so deep that your left with a furrowed brow and your lower lip dangling open like Beavis’ friend, Butthead. Or, the words are so empty that it’s obvious the “complimentor” is, indeed, seeking to gain something from the “complimentee.”
Here are the 10 Lamest Compliments I’ve Ever Received:
1. Oh, I love your hair so much better this way.
Translation: Your old hairstyle looked like something I once scooped out of my litter box.
2. You look so good today.
Translation: I am in absolute shock that you look good. Because usually you look like a sick leper.
3. You’re doing a great job!
This is what one of my old bosses used to say all the time. Translation: I don’t have the gift of encouragement and it hurts my brain to try to come up with something specific that you’re doing well. So, whatever you’re doing, just keep doing it.
4. You should dress like this more often.
Translation: You dressed so badly yesterday and every day since you’re mama stopped dressing you, that I was ready to call Stacy and Clinton to haul your butt off to New York City.
5. You’re blog is soo cute!
I suppose sarcasm and my husband’s make-out tape can be cute. But these compliments are always followed up with, “Stopping by from the Let’s Follow Each Other’s Blog Even Though We’ll Never Look At Them Again Linky Party! I’m following you, so come follow me back at www.Ihavemorefollowersthanyoucouldeverdreamofhaving.com.”
6. You’re coachable.
This was a compliment my husband received. He was a starter on the basketball team and in a review of his strengths and opportunities, the best compliment the coach could come up with was, “you’re coachable.” Translation: I can’t point to anything you do well athletically, but at least you listen to me.
7. For you, that’s really good.
Translation: Oh, that SAT score is sooo bad, but I guess for somebody as dim as you, it really is good. I would never score that low. I’m brilliant. And you’re dumb.
8. You have really nice shoulders.
What? I guess it’s not so bad, but it’s pretty weird. I’ve had three different guys, in the past, tell me this (actually, I think one was my husband, although he won’t admit it). So basically what they’re saying is, out of all the parts of you, your shoulders are the best. Face? Butt-ugly. Personality? Sucks. Body?…Love those shoulders.
9. You look just like (insert the ugliest celebrity alive here).
For me, it was Molly Ringwald. I guess not so ugly, but…no thanks. As a 14-year old, that compliment just made me feel like ugly awkward Molly Ringwald.
I’d love to say that I looked nothing like her, but I totally looked like her.
10. You look just like (insert the hottest celebrity alive here).Around the same time I got the Molly compliment, a guy-friend of mine told me I looked like Jennie Garth from 90210. I was dumbfounded. How could I look like both Molly and Jennie at the same time? Obviously, he was flirting with me, because that was a load of crap. I looked nothing like Jennie, except I had long blonde hair at the time. But I totally ate it up anyway. She was hot and I took any compliment I could get. I started dressing like her and wearing my hair like hers. In my mind I was Jennie Garth’s slightly-less-hot twin sister.
Confession Time: I think I’ve given every one of these compliments. Except the shoulders compliment. I’d just rather say nothing at all in that case. But, I have to say, that I do feel rather comfortable in a tank top, knowing how great my shoulders look.
So, what is the lamest compliment you’ve ever received?