My Dream Job Is NOT Fecal Sample Extractor

I decided to stop being a slacker and get back on track with my blog challenge. Really, I couldn’t come up with anything funny for this week’s Listicles: Halloween Costumes. I thought about showing a bunch of pictures of me on past Halloweens and then making fun of them, but that seemed kind of lame.

I’m Tootsie Frootsie
I’ve got fruit on my hat,
fresh fruit’s fun for a snack…

Or not.

But, I’m doing this slighty less lame thing instead.

Blog Challenge Day 7 question: What is your dream job and why?

My husband said that if I could get paid to be a dork, that that would be my dream job.  Thanks Honey.

My Dream Job: Stay-at-home-mom and writer

I’m pretty much doing that. It could only be more dreamy if someone were here to change diapers, clean up the pee, poop, and puke, make healthy dinners and exotic desserts, and watch my kids so I could write more. I love my kids, but dang, sometimes a woman needs a break. And going to the gym five two hours a week ain’t cuttin’ it.

The challenge I have with my two jobs (besides the crappy paychecks) is finding a balance. I think about my blog too much. My son came in the kitchen the other day while I was cooking and asked what was for dinner. I said, “Ummmm….uhhhhh…lemme…think…about that…umm.”

I couldn’t answer because I was (not listening) thinking: I wonder if when I was one of the top five most-clicked posts at Finding the Funny if people really found the post funny or was it just the title of my post they found funny?


“What!”…Why is he yelling?

“I asked you what’s for dinner. You’re not listening to me.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. What did you ask?”

“What’s for dinner. (growl)”

Why is it your dream job? 
  • I get to stay at home with my kids. all. day. Long.
  • I get to express myself through the written word. Because talking is not my strength. Stumbling over my words and then my face turning red are where I excel.
  • Sharing my writing via a blog gives me instant feedback in the comments, which so far has been good…or non-existent, which, no matter how many great comments there are, translates into my head as, “This post is crap, so like my mom always told me, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t leave a comment.’”

  • I don’t have to brush my teeth until 6pm (just before Steve gets home).
  • I can hold off on that shower until I have to be seen in public, usually about every three days, or until I reek so badly that I’m forced to shower by my own nose.
  • I can wear jeans or yoga pants or pajamas all day. Not that I ever wore yoga pants until two weeks ago. I heard all the mommy bloggers talking about them, so I Mario Andretti’d my way to Goodwill to find a pair. Unfortunately, they’re high-waters, so I have to wear them low on my hips, which is not comfortable. Plus, they make your butt look real. Like real FAT. Are thigh-length shirts back in style yet? That would hide both my butt and my muffin-top.
  • I get to spend time being with the munchkins I love most in this world.

And in case you’re wondering – I know you are – the following are NOT my dream jobs:

Professional sky diver – Because I would crap my pants everyday.
Sewage Plant worker – Because I would smell like I crapped my pants every day.
Used Car Sales Person – Because people would think I was full of crap every day.
Fecal sample extractor at an equine research facility – Because I’d be up to my elbows in crap every day.

(That last one’s a real job.  Click on it.)

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My Dream Job Is NOT Fecal Sample Extractor — 36 Comments

  1. err, think I will pass on clicking on that last link, if you don’t mind! lol
    I don’t feel so alone… with this blogging jones that I seemed to have acquired.

    “Stumbling over my words and then my face turning red are where I excel”

    for some reason, when I talk I don’t see the squiggly green line that says. clark! yo…improper grammar… edit, dude, edit!

    fun post

  2. Love this! We share the same dream job! And my kids have started physically dragging me away from the computer when they want to talk to me during my “writing” time. I have yet to achieve anything close to balance…

  3. This was a great post and I could totally relate. I know I am doing my dream job right now.. stay at home mom/write but I wish I too could hire someone so I had more time to go ahead and write. I have to say, last week I was attempting a blog and in comes my son going “HI!” We skype… I can only assume that is why he didn’t figure out I was talking to myself!

  4. I could also relate too being a stay at home mom also. I love my kids, but seriously I feel like I can’t get enough writing done in a day with someone always telling me what they need or want. No joke, I start a thought and one of my two kids will be right in my face asking me for something else. It never fails and I too wish I could hire a maid for all the cleaning that I have to do. Great post and loved the gross jobs at the end too!!

  5. I admit that I get ready in the morning now as if I was going into an office job. But, a few weeks ago I’d also leave a few things to just before my husband got home…brushing teeth wasn’t one of them though, lol! I could relate completely to your post – writing full day is also my dream job. No one ever said it was going to be perfect. It’s all give and take. Great post! :) I think I’m a bit late on this one but *flocked*!

  6. I’m doing your dream job too – SAHM plus writer. Plus, my 3 kids are in school for 6 hours a day and I STILL don’t feel like I have enough time to write. But, I also know it’s my own fault — meeting someone for lunch or playing tennis always seems to get in the way of meeting my writing goals for the day! Funny how that happens…anyway, enjoyed your post – very funny!

  7. Yeah, I cannot verbally tell a good story. I forget key parts and then go back and get all tongue-tied. That’s the beauty of the written word. Nobody sees my edits until I click publish. :-)

  8. No matter…love the flocking! Wow, I can’t imagine getting cup as if ready for work. I really am still in my PJ’s until just before my husband comes home or I have to leave the house (my yard doesn’t count b/c I’ll wear my PJ’s out there too). Ha ha!

  9. I love this post- so relatable. I really appreciate your comments on the pros/cons of blogging. The “instant feedback” or lack thereof, makes me feel so vulnerable and neurotic sometimes! It is hard to remember sometimes why we, as mothers, put so much into our writing!

  10. Another great post. I wonder how different your blog would be if you had more set time to write. Part of the greatness of your blog is your crazy, fun life. The poop, pee, and cooking dinner is some of the best part. HE HE.

  11. Oh crap! I forgot to brush my teeth this morning before I started my day! Hahah. Really fun post and I’m so glad we’ve found you!

  12. Mmm…good point. I think I just need to slow down on the social media and SongPop…although I think I only played like 100 games or something like that last week. Blah.

  13. I laughed out loud reading this and realized that (minus the munchkins), I’m currently enjoying all of those “dream job” aspects, too. Writing from home is amazing! Great post!

  14. Yay, sounds like you are making the most of your dream job. (That’s what makes it a dream job right? Being able to stay positive even when it’s not so dreamy.) I’m not a stay-at-home mom, but I am a write-from-home kind of person, and I’m enjoying it. I just wish the pay was better :) (ps- Found you through TALU!)

  15. The costume’s original and cute. Healthy too… :)

    Visiting from the Sunday Hop…and though I do NOT think you’re a dork, I have to admit I did laugh at your husband’s dork statement. Sorry, it struck my funny bone. :)

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