10 Things James Bond (in honor of his 50th anniversary)
Whoa. I don’t know much about James Bond…
Spy. He was a spy, right? Or, am I confusing JB with Mission Impossible? No, I’m pretty sure they were both spies. I think.
He was a Stud-horse. A playa. A Ladies’ Man. A Don Juan. A Mack Daddy. A Casanova. A Smooth Operator. And the original Most Interesting Man in the World.Oh, and a womanizing pig (at least that’s how I remember him).
Sean Connery played Double Oh Seven. He’s from Scotland. That’s where Nessie lives. I wonder if there’s really a monster in Loch Ness. I hope there is. Wouldn’t it be cool to find a Plesiosaurus living there? That’s what they think it is. That, or a giant elephant puppet. My sons want to go there and do research. I told them maybe someday. Which is code for never.
Sean Connery…wasn’t he Indiana Jones’ dad? That old guy with the cane and spectacles was the same ladies’ man James Bond? There’s a disconnect somewhere.
Spies Like Us. Was that a spoof of James Bond? That was Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. That one I remember. Kind of. I remember it was funny. And snowy.
Austin Powers. That was definitely a spoof of 007. Seth Green was in that. He played Scott Evil. Am I the only one who, until today, thought Seth Rogen was the same as Seth Green? I need to get out more.
A View to a Kill. I think I saw this one, but I don’t remember a single thing about it, other than the theme song by the same name. It was performed by Duran Duran. “Bon…Simon Le Bon.” Simon said that at the end of the video. I also remember that this was the first cassette tape my mom purchased for our brand new Ford Escort station wagon with cassette player. I wanted Wham!’s Make It Big, but it was her car and her cassette player, so we got A View to a Kill.
He wore all black. He came to the big city from a small community in Pennsylvania where he was threatened to be shunned. No wait. I’m thinking of Abe from Breaking Amish. My bad.
Octopussy. What perv came up with that movie title?
The Bond Girls. They were all skanky ho-bag, beautiful, exotic women.
Gold Bond Medicated Anti-itch Cream. I wonder if James used this after his trysts with #9.
So, since I was clueless about James Bond I went to the most reliable place for facts on the internet, Wikipedia, and wikipedia’d James Bond. It turns out that Ian Fleming (1908-64) created his fictional character that was the central figure of his novels. He wrote them all at his “Goldeneye” Estate in Jamaica. Then a bunch more novels were written by other authors after he died. If you want to read more, go here.
Anybody else know anything interesting (or not) about James Bond? Want to share? Leave it in the comments.