- A wagon. Actually, just bring two. Because when your kids get tired, about five minutes in, they'll begin competing for a seat, not only with each other, but also with the five bags of apples you're picking.
- A math degree. You'll need one to figure out how many apples to pounds to pecks to bushels and back it will take to make six quarts of applesauce, two apple pies, and still have a dozen left-over for snacking.
- More than one apple picker. Otherwise be prepared for 1.5 to 2 hours of straight whining about how life is so unfair because “he got to pick more apples than meeeeee.”
- First-Aid kit. Because when somebody gets clotheslined by the extra apple picker that was being used as a Jedi light saber, you'll need it.
- A change of clothes. For when your children get bored after 10 minutes of apple-picking and begin rolling around on the ground pretending to make snow angels in the rotting squashed apples.
- A Leash. For your youngest child that takes off running through the orchard, climbing trees, throwing apples, and singing nanny-nanny-boo-boo, while you're either picking all the apples yourself, trying to stop the light saber fight, or intervening in a game of apple-smashing baseball.
- Your spouse. Because you'll realize that this was the stupidest endeavor you've ever undertaken alone with your kids.
- A gold brick. Because that's what it's gonna cost you for a peck...or bushel...or whatever!..of apples. You think, hey, we're bound to save some money by picking them ourselves...cut out the middle man... Yeah, just throw that thinking right in the trash. You're paying for the experience, Sista! And don't forget to add in the pony rides, petting zoo, and bounce house, all times the number of your offspring.
- An extra refrigerator. Because when you get home, you'll realize that's the only way to keep the apples fresh. And those five bushels you bought won't fit in the cheese drawer. So just head to Sears now.
- Lastly, extra butt wipes. For later that night, when your kids get the Hershey Squirts from eating a dozen not-quite-ripe apples. You'll want to have those bad boys handy.
|...and if you're lucky, you can get them on clearance.|
Oh, and be sure to wear the absolute coolest hat and outfit to the orchard. Just like I did here.