I Scored 850 on My SATs

I received the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award while I was on vacation the last week and a half. Yay! It was given to me by Melanie from Scribbles & Smiles. She lives in South Africa – that's so cool! She's also in my Bloppy Bloggers blogging support group.  Then I got another Liebster Award from Learning To Play and Playing To Learn which I already received, but am always thankful to get another mention.  Thank you!

The rules for accepting this award are that I have to list seven unknown facts about myself, then pass it on. I've done this once when I was awarded the Liebster Award and as part of my 30 Day Blog challenge (that I never work on), so there's not much you don't know about me, but you may not know this...

1. I'm a worm farmer. I farm worms for their castings (poop) which I put in my vegetable garden. I don't think I'm a very good farmer because I only check on them about once per week. I feed them banana peels and apples and stuff, then water them. I just found all these hearty fruit flies around their feed (they have a special worm feed too), so I had to put that in a plastic container rather than the burlap sack they sent me with my squiggly friends. I'll probably find mice around the farm soon. Stupid rodents. We just found droppings AGAIN in our kitchen and attic – even though we have a quarterly service! They're coming on Monday to set new traps.
   
   

   

   I tried photoshopping out my forehead wrinkles,
   but it looked fake.

   
   
2. I don't watch or listen to any form of news. My husband has to tell me when celebrities die (the news I care about), like J.R. this past week. It took me a few days before I found out that Osama Bin Laden died. What? When did that happen? Why didn't you tell me?  And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought a Snooki(e) was a cookie made with Snickers. Yum! And who is Petraeus anyway? I'll have to google that.
   
   
   I'm beginning to realize that this doesn't bode well for my blog. People are interested in current affairs and events, not just seven things they didn't know about me before this post.  

3. I scored 850 on my SATs. Even after taking it three times and studying a book on how to take the stupid test I never broke 1000. I was ashamed of my score for a really long time – like till last month. My score on the verbal portion was about 410. I always thought the score was indicative of how smart I was. And though it's not indicative of how successful I could be, it had an impact.
   
   My friend, Mike, in high school, scored about the same as me. I always thought he was kind of smart. Plus, he was left-handed, so I knew he was smart. I assumed he must not have tried hard or it was a fluke, but it did bring me a little comfort at the time (and still does).
   
   
   My blog has been validating for me. I've always thought that comedians and funny people are really smart, even if they're not book smart. While I'm not so funny in person because I'm not “quick-witted” (and I have to count on my fingers to figure out 8 + 5), I do feel validated in my ability to make people laugh sometimes with my writing. It makes me feel smart.
   
   
   I'd like to take that test again to see how I'd score now.  I think I'd do a lot better. I might actually know what some of those words meant. I think I'd break 1000 this time around.  But, I'm too lazy. 
   
   
4. I got my degree in Biology and Nutrition from Ohio University, the best and most beautiful college in the world, or at least in Southeast Ohio. After #3, don't even ask me how I got this degree. And I can't even tell you how I did it because I don't remember anything from most of my classes, especially Evolution, Genetics, Microbiology and Clinical Nutrition.  It sounds smart, but I think I got C's in all of them.
   
   
5. I grew up in Alexandria, Virginia. I took this for granted, until I moved away to Ohio and then Chicago. That place is a hotbed of history and culture. The extent of me culturing myself was skipping school and taking the Metro downtown to the art museum with friends to hang out. We chose the art museum because you could walk a good portion of the length of the mall without stepping foot outside into the cold. Thankfully, my dad forced us to go to various museums and events in spite of my whining and “this-is-so-borrrrring” complaints.
   
   
6. I enjoy birding. Steve and I get excited when we see a hawk or a new bird. We have a bird book that we record all the birds we've seen in our back yard. This is the lamest-sounding hobby ever. Okay, maybe worm-farming is more lame. I might have to take up macrame or watching paint dry next.
   
   

   

   Check out Go Explore Nature for more of this story.

   
   
7. My toes are webbed. Not really, I just can't think of anything else you may not know about me.

Now, I get to nominate another blogger that I think deserves this award. This is hard because there are so many. I'm going to break the rules and pick two: Stephanie at Mommy, for Real and Vikki at Laugh Lines.  They both make me laugh with every post and they're great writers, so check them out!

If you really want other people to get to know me then tweet or like this.  Otherwise, do nothing and we'll all still be okay. Except me. I'll be depressed.

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Caption That! (Round 10)

Welcome back to Caption That!

Last week's Caption That! Winner: Waiting for my daily head butt from my sister. I am ready for her now!


Submitted by: Kim Midkiff (Oh, Aunt Kim, you know how to make Steve laugh)

To see the photo, click here.

Photo Background: That was me about 15 years ago when I was mountain biking regularly (What's funny is I used the word regularly here.  Like I still sometimes mountain bike. The last time was about when this picture was taken.  And I think I only did it like five times because I was dating a guy who was into it.  Even bought a mountain bike and all the gear - thing just sits in my garage because it's too painful to ride and I spent so much money on it that I refuse to get rid of it).  I have no idea why I took a picture of myself with that lovely helmet on.  I can only hope that I was trying to finish off a roll of film. I really, really hope I was trying to finish off a roll of film.

Caption That!

The Rules:
1. Participate! Leave a comment on this here blog or at my Facebook page with your caption. Or you can tweet it, if you're really adventurous, unlike myself.
2. Be Funny, Creative, and somewhat Kind (this is my family)
3. More than one entry is allowed.
4. Make sure it's clear who you are, so I can give you credit when you win! If you have a blog, leave a link or your Twitter handle in your comment.
5. My husband, Steve, will vote on the best caption and I will highlight the winner's name and/or blog next Wednesday.

If you're not able to leave a comment, just email me.

Alrighty, go ahead and Caption That!

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Prince Charles Is Hot...And Nine Other Crushes I've Had

I’m skipping the Monday Listicles today because I couldn’t come up with anything interesting for this week’s topic. So, I created my own. Ten crushes.

Here are 10 crushes I’ve had...

1. Inter-species Crush. Or, Inanimate Object Crush: Kermit the Frog.

What’s not to love about Kermit? Except his attraction to that stupid pig. When I was 10, I had a Kermit watch, a Kermit book bag, Kermit posters, John Denver & the Muppets Christmas record album, Kermit drinking glasses, a Kermit Christmas ornament (he’s riding on a sled with a Santa hat on – it’ll go on my tree again this year), and Kermit pajamas (so, this crush I slept with). I watched all his movies and sang all his songs. And yes, The Muppets that came out in 2011 only refueled my love for the puppet. It isn’t easy being green…nor is it easy having a crush on a puppet.

2. Royal Crush. Or, Everyone-has-an-embarrassing-crush Crush: Prince Charles.

Alright, step off. It was 1981. I was nine years old, caught up in the fanfare of the Royal Wedding. Lady Di’s Knight in Shining Armor was Prince Charles and he was my knight too.



His Royal Hott-ness
photo source

3. Eighth-grade-after-school-dance Crush: A kid whose name I can’t remember, so we’ll call him “Sevie” (the slang word for 7th grader – did everyone use this word or was it just my school?)

Junior-high after-school dances were awesome and depressing at the same time. It was the highest of high hopes and the lowest of let-downs all wrapped up into one pimple-faced afternoon. The hope that the boy you liked would ask you to dance, then the let-down when he didn’t.

I volunteered to work the drink table at one of the after-school dances and hoped that Sevie would come up to my table to get a drink. I watched him out of the corner of my eye the whole time, willing him to come to my table. Finally, he came over, but he got his stinking drink from the girl next to me. I hated her from then on, even if she was my best friend. She should have referred him to me. She knew I liked him. She shoulda had my back!

4. Realistic Lesser-Known Celebrity Crush: Scott Grimes

It made sense to me to set my sites on a lesser-known celebrity who I actually had a chance to get. I would say to my friends: Why do you like Jon Bon Jovi? He’s too popular, not to mention too old for you. You’ll never have a chance. If I ever get to L.A. and can find out where Scott Grimes lives, I have a way better chance of him asking me to go with him, because nobody knows who he is. Plus, he’s the same age as me.



I found this clip in a bunch of old papers my mom gave me just this week. Bonus!
Looks like they were up to something naughty.

In case you're wondering who my realistic-lesser-known-celebrity crush is, he played Alyssa Milano’s boyfriend, Chad McCann, for a couple seasons on Who’s the Boss? He disappeared until he showed up on Party of Five as Will McCorkle, but by then I had thrown the realistic-lesser-known-celebrity crushes to the wind and was focusing on hotties, Scott Wolf and Matthew Fox.


5. Church-boy Crush: Brian

He was a good wholesome boy, kind of looked like a young Bruce Springsteen with blond hair. Since he was a church boy, I tried to be on my best behavior, but my aunts did a good job of sullying my reputation. They lived with us for a while and I remember, on more than one occasion, Brian rode his little white Vespa up the sidewalk in front of our house and stopped to say hi. My aunts had the speakers propped up in the first floor windows of our house blaring Darling Nikki by Prince. Let me just say that Prince wasn’t always singing about wearing a Raspberry Beret, while sitting in his Little Red Corvette, in the Purple Rain, preparing to Party Like It’s 1999. No, he was singing about some dirty stuff. So, there went all my chances with church-boy.

Cute Prince on a Vespa

6. Crank Call Crush: Scott M.

Back in the 80s, before Caller ID, my crush was stupid enough to put his phone number in my yearbook suggesting I “stay sweet” and call him - just like everyone else did. Even if he hadn’t given it to me I had the White Pages (a thick book, alphabetized by last name that listed phone numbers for everyone in a city) that I could use to find it.

 I memorized his number and periodically called it. I sat and listened in silence, as his mom repeated “hello” over and over before hanging up. I remember sitting back and thinking, I just talked to his mom (kind of). I think Scott answered maybe one time, of the 40 times I called him that summer.

7. Superstitious Crush #1: Dwight (or maybe it was Dwayne)

I had OCD and was pretty superstitious when I was a kid (maybe you read about the string in my back?). I never had a rabbit’s foot, but I had a Garfield air freshener. It was my good luck charm. (I didn’t rub it or anything – that would’ve been weird). It hung on the knob to my bedroom closet door. I believed that if I sniffed Garfield’s orange with black stripes back every time I opened my closet door that one day Dwight/Dwayne would like me. He never liked me.

8. Superstitious Crush #2: James

Eventually, I gave up on fresh smelling cats (that was so junior high) and moved onto other, more mature, irrational notions, like signs and omens. I liked another boy named James. And at the same time I started having a crush on him, I started hearing the song Crush on You, by The Jets - that Mormon band with the 36 siblings. Or maybe the song was Forever Your Girl by Paula Abdul - either way, I heard the song every day. So naturally that was a sign that one day James and I would become an item.

I heard the song when I drove to school, home from school, and when I randomly turned on the radio or even MTV. It was totally an omen. Never mind that the song was #3 on the US Billboard top 100 that year and was played to annoyance on every pop music station. That song meant our love was meant to be. Or more accurately, my love was meant to be like the title of the song because he never reciprocated.


9. So-gross-because-I’m-old-enough-to -be-his-mother Crush: Josh Hutcherson

I got caught up in The Hunger Games books, then had to see the movie. Naturally, I played the part of Katniss Everdeen in my head (Kat-niss…Kat-e or Kat-herine – see?) and when Peeta declared his love for Katniss, he was declaring it for me (playing Katniss). But I think he’s like 4’7” or some kind of short like that. That wouldn’t work. Plus, I’m married. And old.

Here's a picture of me and Josh Hutcherson.
source

10. Who-my-husband-thinks-I-have-a-crush-on Crush: Matthew McConaughey and Anderson Cooper

Matthew McConaughey is a valid one since I mentioned that he was “attractive” (attractive is a safe word) about 10 years ago. But, that was 10 years ago. Things change, crushes change…okay, maybe not this one, but Anderson Cooper? So I read his autobiography the week it came out, and I think he’s a good reporter, and I always turn to him in any major disaster, but, he’s gay, right? So, like, that doesn’t even count.

So, can you relate to any of these? What celebrity crushes, especially any embarrassing ones, have you had? Leave it in the comments so we can all laugh at you.

Source: ihatemyparents.tumblr.com via Jon on Pinterest

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My Favorite Books...Then Share Yours

I found a link-up (a place where bloggers connect with other bloggers in hopes that we'll get more followers, or at least visitors) today that is about one of my favorite things: Books!  I have a "Books I'm Reading" page that I update at least weekly because I love to share what I'm reading.  I'm also on Goodreads.  If you're on there, friend me.

Here are the link-up questions:

1) What book are you currently reading? Give us a little synopsis and your review.


Technically, I'm not currently reading this book because I finished it in one day, which is not typical of me, but it was the book I read most recently. It sucked me in and I couldn't put it down. My heart ached for Ms. DeNeen as she was pulled into a disturbing relationship with her birth father. She details the intimate bonding experience that took place between them. What started as a beautiful reunion between daughter and father downspiraled into an emotional and physical wreck. This book brings to light the sad world of Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) in hopes that others dealing with similar situations can find hope and encouragement to escape it's grip.

This book is a must-read for anyone considering a reunion with a birth parent or sibling, or child relinquished at birth.

2) What are your 3 favorite books of all time?

I have a lot of favorite books.  Here are just three of them. One non-fiction, one biography, one fiction.

      

 

3) What is your "approach" upon entering a bookstore? Where do you immediately head after entering through the front door?

Um...I usually go to Barnes & Noble to escape my family for a little quiet time. I head straight for Starbucks. Then I sit there for about two hours reading, writing, praying, and meditating.  When I feel "filled up" I venture to the biography section and then the humor section, so I can (unintentionally) feel bad about my attempts at a humor blog.


Leave the title of your favorite book in the comments.  I'm making a list of recommendations.  I'm always looking for a good book to read and I know others are too.

If you're a blogger and love books, click on the button below to join the link-up.



   

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All Asians Look Alike...You Can't Tell Them Apart

I was only going to write one post this week, but I changed my mind.  We visited my husband’s grandma in her assisted living home yesterday.  We met in the public meeting room rather than her apartment since we had all the kids with us. We thought it would be more spacious. As we were waiting for my mother-in-law to bring Steve’s grandma in a few lady’s spotted our trans-racial family and rolled over in their chairs to ask a few questions. The spokeswoman for the group managed to cover every Asian and adoption stereotype or assumption in the 20 minute segment we were visiting.

Typically, when a conversation like this starts, I find a way to quickly exit, but this situation didn't allow me to escape since we were trying to visit with Steve’s grandma who we only get to see about once every two years. Unfortunately, our visit was dominated by this one lady.

Sometimes I exaggerate a little in my posts for the sake of humor, but this is no exaggeration. If anything this is underplayed. Here’s how our conversation went (with a few attempts to ignore, avert, and communicate with Steve’s grandma mixed in):

Lady: Are you babysitting these kids?

Steve: No, they’re our kids. We adopted them.

Lady: Are they from Asia?

Steve: Yes, China.

Lady: Iche, ni, san, shi, go! (big smile)

Me: I think that’s Japanese.

Lady: Oh, really? Hmm…I’m from San Francisco…There are a lot of Asian people there…I used to eat a lot of Chinese food.  I can even use chopsticks…Do you have any kids of your own?

Me: These are our own kids.

Lady: No, I mean, like kids you gave birth to?

Me: (holding back a sigh) These are our only kids.

Lady: So, their real mom just had ‘em and left ‘em?

Me: (I gave a brief explanation of why their birth parents may not have been able to care for them, including how they were all born with cleft lip and palate and the high cost of surgery).

Lady: So, is he gonna get his lip fixed (pointing to my son, Josiah, on my lap).

Me: (exasperation starting) He’ll be having surgery this coming year, right Josiah? (I smiled at him as he sat on my lap.)

Lady: I’m from San Francisco. There are a lot of Asians in San Francisco. Asian people all look the same.  Black hair, the eyes, skin. Ha! All the same. We have different color hair, eyes, skin. Not them. You can’t tell any of them apart.  Are they related?

Me: (at a loss for words) No, they’re not birth-related.

Lady: So you tried and tried and couldn't have any kids of your own?

Me: (Suggesting to Steve that it’s time to make an early exit) We didn't really try (that sounds ridiculous to her, I’m sure…and will only bring more questions).

Lady: (confused) Are you married?

Me: Yes.

Lady: And you just decided to get these kids?

Me: (sigh) yeah.

Lady: You’re such good people to take in these kids.

Me: Well, they’re a blessing to us. Steve, I think it’s time to go. 

Lady: Are they athletic? We used to go to the circus when I was a kid and the Chinese would do acrobats. I’m from San Francisco you know.  I can use chopsticks.  I ate a lot of Asian food.  You know why they don’t have knives on the tables in China?

Me: (sigh) No.

Lady:  They cut up everything small in the kitchen.  People would get into fights at the table and kill each other with knives. That’s why they use chopsticks. I can use chopsticks. I’m from San Francisco.

(This was where we had an intermission from her questions and got to have a short conversation with Steve’s grandma. But mostly Steve talked to his grandma, while I was bombarded with this lady's missiles.)

Lady: (she piped up again) What are their names?

Me: (pointing to each child) Sheehan, Josiah, and Autumn.

Lady: So, you kept their Asian names?

Me: (confused) No. Those are western names.

Lady: Russian names? Oh.

Me: No, west…American.  They’re American names. Josiah is from the Bible. (Looking at Josiah on my lap with a smile): Right? You were named after a righteous king (he smiled broadly).

Lady: He was in the Bible? Tells you how much I know about the Bible. Ha!  Autumn?  Was she born in Autumn?

Me: Um, no, she was born in March.

Lady: Then why do you call her Autumn?  Autumn is August, September, and October.  Just call her Spring…I was born in Spring. April…Just celebrated my birthday last month.  It’s May, right?

Me: No, it’s November.  This week is Thanksgiving.

Lady: Is it? Oh…(she smiled and circled her ear with her finger indicating that she was crazy).  Then, you know they kill each other with their chopsticks too?

Me: (to Steve): Okay, we’re going to sit in the car.  (To Lady): Nice meeting you. (And we said good-bye to Steve's grandma, after maybe 20 words to her during the 20 minute visit).

 

Here’s a video my friend Kristine sent me.  Any adoptive family can totally relate to this video. It’s funny in a sad kind of way.

If you know someone who has adopted or was adopted, share this with them. They’ll get it. Tweet it, Like it, email it.

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I Never Want To Visit A Chinese ER Again

I was going to take a break this week from blogging since it's Thanksgiving week and seems like the perfect time to take a break, but I couldn’t resist the Listicles. I'll be taking a break the rest of the week. Unless I come up with something really great to talk about. Which means you probably won't hear from me again until next Monday.

This week’s list is 10 Things I’ve learned in 2012, suggested by Kerstin. Check out the other lists at www.northwestmommy.com.

So, here's what I've learned...

1. I learned that our children consist of a Bossy-pants, a Bully, and a Drama Queen. While one might expect these to be in the order of girl, boy, girl, all our children break the gender stereotypes these labels carry (Boy 1, Girl, Boy 2).

2. I learned what it's like to take my child to a Chinese emergency room. And I learned that I never, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER want to do it again. I saw the in-hospital smoking, the tiny open-air plastic trash cans containing bloody what-not, the complete lack of privacy, and don’t get me started on the misdiagnosis of my son, which could have been determined with a simple throat culture and resolved with some antibiotics. Some may consider me to be a spoiled American over this. I’m cool with that.

3. I learned that eight minutes is too long to be at the library with my three year old daughter. By minute seven she has already banged on every computer keyboard she has passed, run behind the front desk, into the librarian’s office, gotten lost in the stacks while I've bent down to retrieve the six board books she threw on the floor, after she hit a kid on the back that took back the plastic cow she originally stole from him, all while using her “library voice” which really should be an “I’m at a Justin Bieber concert and I need to scream for you to hear me” voice.

4. I learned how using Twitter is akin to starting junior high. I felt myself wondering if someone could hold my hand and be my cheerleader as I sent out my first 10-ish original tweets, like on the first day of 7th grade, when my dad took me in to my class because I was scared. It was awkward for me starting out on Twitter because I began to follow all these really smart and funny people and I could see all the less-than-140-word masterpieces they were tweeting. Then some of them started following me back (pity follows, perhaps?) and I suddenly realized they could all see me and were watching me tweet, so I didn’t want to screw up and misspell something or worse, say something dumb or not funny, like the tweet where I called myself a butt-hole to backpedal from a previous dumb tweet, but just ended up making myself look worse (and you can't untweet - once it's tweeted, it's there for anyone to find and ridicule you). Then I got jealous of all the really funny blogger-tweeters who are all friends with each other and I wanted to join their clique, so when I saw them tweeting, I would tweet my best stuff, but as they continued to tweet with each other, my tweets just sat there flat and stupid on my little TweetDeck, all lonesome and stuff, and were being ignored. So, then it was like being a wall-flower at that first junior high dance, watching everybody else have fun, praying somebody would ask me to dance.

After a few Twitter weeks (which is like two days in real time) I found a few friends that I depend on to hang out with at the wall and sometimes one of us will venture out on the Twitter dance floor and we applaud each other’s dance moves with retweets and "favorite" marks. And not just for the sake of encouragement, but because they really are great tweets. My BTFF (Best Twitter Friend Forever) is Mommy, for Real. She’s a great writer, hilarious, and she’s a Twitter novice like me. She recently wrote about how Twitter is like middle school here. Actually, another good post comparing blogging to middle school is by Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, and that's here. 

5. I learned how hard it is to get people to read my blog and that it takes as much time to market it as it does to write it. The good thing about this is that my audience is still small enough that I don’t embarrass myself too much when I write something that I think is great, but is actually crap. And don’t be leaving me a comment that says, “Crap - like this post.”

6. I learned that amusement parks suck when you take seven, six, and three year old kids together with you, all at one time.

7. I learned I'm middle-aged. I mean I see it every day when I look in the mirror - I should just break that thing - but I never thought I qualified as being middle-aged. As I think I've said before, middle-age is defined as whatever age I am now, plus 10 years. This truth hit me hard.

8. I learned that male giraffes fight each other for dominance by standing closely, side by side, and then beating  on each other's necks with their necks. One will fling its neck around and slam it into the other male giraffe's neck. Have you seen this? It's kind of awesome. I saw it on PBS today (that's what I do, I relax by watching PBS), but you can watch a fight in this clip too.

 

 

And here are two things I haven't yet learned this year, but would like to, so any advice you have, bring it. On second thought, never mind, your advice will just make me feel like a loser.

1.  How to get my three year old daughter to obey.

2. How to properly use a hashtag on Twitter. For non-tweeters, hashtags (#) (I always thought this was called “number sign”) are used to mark keywords or topics in a Tweet, created as a way to categorize messages.

Here are a few I've used that probably haven't been used properly: #stinkytweet, #baddermommy, #slowwit, and #nolongersmelllikeaworkingmansarmpit. I’m sure that last one is trending high. Actually, they probably all are. Try writing a tweet that fits one of these.

So, what have you learned in 2012? Leave it in the comments.



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I'm A Hypochondriac

Have you ever thought you had a serious disease only to spend money on a visit to the doctor to find out you have nothing serious...ends up being something like dry skin?

Yeah, me too.  Happens all the time.

So, I wrote about it today over at Studio 30 Plus.  They're featuring me.  I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds really cool and famous, so go check it out by clicking here.

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Caption That! (Round 9)

Welcome back to Caption That!

Last week's Caption That! Winner:  Pier 1 Imports got a lot more risqué since the last time I shopped here! 

To see the photo, click here.

Submitted by: Tammy Flahive - you're rolling Steve over with your wit!


Photo Background:  That was my Uncle David at our family reunion in June. He got a mild shock when he saw the statue he was sitting next to.

I'm taking a break from Caption That! next week to make a game plan for maximizing my turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie consumption the following day.  I'll announce the winner November 28th (hey, my sister's b-day!)

Caption That!

The Rules:

1.  Participate! Leave a comment on this here blog or at my Facebook page with your caption.  Or you can tweet it, if you're really adventurous, unlike myself.

2.  Be Funny, Creative, and somewhat Kind (this is my family)

3.  More than one entry is allowed.

4.  Make sure it's clear who you are, so I can give you credit when you win!  If you have a blog, leave a link or your Twitter handle in your comment.

5.  My husband, Steve, will vote on the best caption and I will highlight the winner's name and/or blog next Wednesday.

If you're not able to leave a comment, just email me.

Alrighty, go ahead and Caption That!

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Writing Prompts: My First Guest Post

I'm foregoing my "Tuesday Firsts" that I started two weeks ago because I'm guest posting over at Dawn's Disaster.  This is my very first guest post. She's my cousin, so it's kind of a family obligation thing that she let me post, otherwise she'd be put on Santa's naughty list (I know him personally).  Dawn does contests and giveaways and shares recipes and writes about her life with her "hubs" and three "littles". Dawn also has another site: A Birth Mother's Story (click on her "Adoption" tab), where she writes about her experience as being a birth mother, as well as being adopted, herself, from South Korea. Great resource for anyone having anything to do with adoption.

Today, over at Dawn's, I'm writing about where to find writing prompts when you're stuck staring at your computer screen like a zombie. Some of them include blog hops/memes. So, if you're a writer or blogger and need some ideas, or if you're nosy, like me, and want to see what my family blogs about, then visit Dawn's Disaster.  I'd be totally nosy, if I were you. Then leave a comment letting her know you stopped by.  And let her know your favorite flavor of ice cream (that'll totally weird her out - that's what we do in our family - weird each other out).

Caio!  (because I'm Italian in a Welsh, Irish, British, West Virginia Red-neck ancestry sort of way)

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Bond. James Bond. Horse. Stud Horse.

This week's Monday Listicles was suggested by Anja at Cocalores:

10 Things James Bond (in honor of his 50th anniversary)

Whoa. I don't know much about James Bond...

Except this: 

1. Spy. He was a spy, right? Or, am I confusing JB with Mission Impossible?  No, I'm pretty sure they were both spies. I think.
   
   
2. He was a Stud-horse. A playa. A Ladies' Man. A Don Juan. A Mack Daddy. A Casanova. A Smooth Operator. And the original Most Interesting Man in the World.
   
   

   

   source

   Oh, and a womanizing pig (at least that's how I remember him).
   
   
3. Sean Connery played Double Oh Seven. He's from Scotland. That's where Nessie lives. I wonder if there's really a monster in Loch Ness. I hope there is. Wouldn't it be cool to find a Plesiosaurus living there? That's what they think it is. That, or a giant elephant puppet. My sons want to go there and do research. I told them maybe someday. Which is code for never.
   
   
   Sean Connery...wasn't he Indiana Jones' dad? That old guy with the cane and spectacles was the same ladies' man James Bond? There's a disconnect somewhere.
   
   
   
   
   
4. Spies Like Us. Was that a spoof of James Bond? That was Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. That one I remember. Kind of. I remember it was funny. And snowy.
   
   
5. Austin Powers. That was definitely a spoof of 007. Seth Green was in that. He played Scott Evil. Am I the only one who, until today, thought Seth Rogen was the same as Seth Green?  I need to get out more.
   
   
6. A View to a Kill. I think I saw this one, but I don't remember a single thing about it, other than the theme song by the same name. It was performed by Duran Duran. “Bon...Simon Le Bon.” Simon said that at the end of the video. I also remember that this was the first cassette tape my mom purchased for our brand new Ford Escort station wagon with cassette player. I wanted Wham!'s Make It Big, but it was her car and her cassette player, so we got A View to a Kill.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. He wore all black.  He came to the big city from a small community in Pennsylvania where he was threatened to be shunned. No wait. I'm thinking of Abe from Breaking Amish. My bad.
   
   
8. Octopussy. What perv came up with that movie title?
   
   
9. The Bond Girls. They were all skanky ho-bags beautiful, exotic women.
   
   
10. Gold Bond Medicated Anti-itch Cream. I wonder if James used this after his trysts with #9.

So, since I was clueless about James Bond I went to the most reliable place for facts on the internet, Wikipedia, and wikipedia'd James Bond. It turns out that Ian Fleming (1908-64) created his fictional character that was the central figure of his novels. He wrote them all at his “Goldeneye" Estate in Jamaica. Then a bunch more novels were written by other authors after he died. If you want to read more, go here.

Anybody else know anything interesting (or not) about James Bond?  Want to share? Leave it in the comments.

I don't know what happened to my Facebook thingy, but for now, tweet it if you like it.

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Are Any Of These Your Pet Peeves?

I'm moving forward with my 30 Day Blog Challenge, but still going out of order (this is day 11).  To see other days, click here.

The Challenge:  Describe a few of your pet peeves.

A few?  That's all I get?  I could write a book. Which really just shows how difficult it is for my family to live with me. I pity them. When they're not irritating me. 

Most of my pet peeves are due to my (self-diagnosed) sensory-processing disorder. Because there's got to be a reasonable explanation for why I get so irritated by so many seemingly petty things.

For instance, open-mouth chewing. When I hear it, I sometimes want to cry, it's that painful to listen to.  When Steve eats a bagel...well, this little ecard sums it up really well.

And I feel really bad. I do. I don't want to hate his eating. I don't want to run into the other room every morning and put in earplugs and hum to myself because I can't handle the cud-chewing.  And it's not just Steve.  Since all our kids were born with cleft lips and palates, they all open-mouth chew.  Eating a meal is like living in a barn full of cows all chewing the cud into microphones and the speakers are right. next. to. my. ears. I hate that.

How about flimsy public restroom toilet paper? Anybody bothered by that?  It's so flimsy that when I pull some off the roll, one square comes off. Then I pull it again and get another square. Then again, and get a piece the size of my thumb. What's even worse is flimsy toilet paper on a rigid, non-spinning, flat toilet paper dispenser.  Then I have to unravel the toilet paper manually, over, under, over, under, while hiked up over a nasty toilet seat that's practically growing hair, as well as sprinkled with someone else's pee (another pet-peeve), while I continue to unravel the toilet paper square by square, over, under, over, under, all while my legs are beginning to give out as I scream obscenities at the creator of, not only the toilet paper, but that stupid dispenser! I hate that.

Anybody go to Trader Joe's?  The child seat cart flap at Trader Joe's. I push it down, it pops back up. I push it down, it pops back up. All while holding a 36 pound child above my head trying to get her feet into those leg holes, but they're blocked by that dumb flap!!! After months of this weekly frustration, my six-year old pointed out how all I had to do was push firmly on the flap and it would snap into place. Well, thank you six-year-old son. Thank you very much. I hated that flap (until my son taught me the way).

Wet counter tops. I accidentally lay important, or even not important, papers on it. Gaaaaaaahhh! I hate that.

This is my current favorite. Target-brand baby wipes. I'm too cheap to buy Pampers or Huggies, so I deal with generic. When I get a substantial way through the container...like, oh, I don't know, four wipes in...the wipes start coming out in one big long wipe rather than one individual wipe at a time. So I've got my daughter's legs in the air, poop everywhere, and a three foot long sheet of wipes I'm shaking frantically to break apart. Then when I do, the wipe is wet, folded up as thin as a bookmark, and wrapped around my hand. I'm flinging it around to get it open, not able to use my other hand and not wanting to use the floor because then I may as well just use the nasty-never-vacuumed-covered-in-hair-and-other-whoknowswhat-carpet to wipe my daughter's rear end. Then I end up letting go of her ankle and she flips over and rolls poop all over the changing mat. I hate that.

Stupid wipes.
I wanted Steve to get the wipes container IN the picture, but
by the time I noticed it wasn't there, he was already asleep.

I could go on and on and on...toast crumbs in my butter/jelly/any kind of spread, silverware clanging together, rubber on rubber rubbing (I can't stand that noise!), stepping on a wet bathroom floor in my socks, my daughter biting my hard plastic straw to the point of complete flatness, so when I try to suck through it, I get a headache from all the sucking strain... wah, wah, wah.  Talk about hard to live with.

What are your pet peeves?  Could you relate to any of mine?

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Absolute Funniest Posts From the Past Week (Read these!)

I'm not sure if I did something smart or stupid this week. I volunteered to read 76 posts at Finding the Funny. SEVENTY-SIX POSTS! Add that to the 10-20 per day I'm already reading and you see why my kids have feasted on Fritos and cottage cheese this week rather than our typical filet mignon with wild mushroom and asparagus risotto.  

Okay, I've never made those last two.

Every week I hope that someone will volunteer to read all the posts and pick their top five from Finding the Funny, always hoping they'll find mine in their top five funniest. Am I the only neurotic blogger wondering if readers only like my title, or do they also find my content entertaining?  

So I decided I would volunteer this week to find the top five (or six) funniest of the 76.  And my doing this has absolutely nothing to do with getting more traffic to my blog. Nothing...absolutely nothing.

Let me just say that this was really hard.  And not just the fact that I read 76 posts, but trying to narrow it down. All of the posts contained humor. Which is good since this was "Finding the Funny". But, by the time I got to #41 (my post) I was sick of reading posts. Nothing was funny, especially mine. All I saw on my junky blog was me trying to be funny. So, I took a two-day break and came back ready to laugh.

And just in case you're wondering, no, I did not pick my own, but I will let you know which two I submitted: My Dream Job Is NOT Fecal Sample Extractor and My First Kiss On the Beach (Highway).

The ones I picked below made me laugh out loud, multiple times within the post.  Some people had submitted more than one post, but I picked the one best per site so there was no hogging of the limelight.

My Favorite Five (or six) in the order they were listed (if you're gonna read anything funny this week, read these (and mine listed above)):

Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas - The Mom of the Year - The "Dress as a person without kids" costume is priceless.

Lashing Out! - Abby Has Issues - Her whole blog is funny.

Things I Swore I'd Never Do As A Parent - Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine - She's got a Theme Thursday link-up that I'm going to have to try...once I can get my butt up off the couch to post more than three times a week...and stop reading 76 blogs per week to get more traffic to my site.

As The Dollhouse Turns - Halloween Special - Hollow Tree Ventures - I'm one of Robyn's groupies. This soap opera series (featuring the Incredible Hulk) is amazing and this episode is particularly funny and left me hanging on the edge of my seat wanting more.  The attention to detail is crazy awesome.

Pegacorn vs. Pegicorn - Point Counter-Point Point Point - These two guys argue with each other in their blog.  Brilliant and funny!

Switching preschools = kill me now - Not My Mom's Blog - The cartoons were perfect!

Honorable Mentions:

There were some other posts that I also thought were really good and definitely worth clicking on (not that the other 60+ weren't funny, these just really got my attention).  They included topics like: toilet paper substitutes, a broken refrigerator, kitten poetry, zombie apocalypse race (this one fascinated me), selling stuff on Craigslist, and a hypochondriac.

Overall this was a great experience.  Will I do it again?  We'll see what Google Analytics says.

Now, go link up your funniest post TODAY at Finding the Funny.

Tweet this to share some funny.

(NOT to get me more traffic.  I don't even care about traffic.)

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