What The Space Shuttle & My Colon Have In Common (FTSF #2)

Welcome back to Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF).  We give you a sentence and you finish it (however long or short you’d like). Write a post and link it up, or if you don’t blog, feel free to finish the sentence in the comments for everyone to see.

Your humble hosts:
Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic (Twitter, Facebook)
Mommy, for Real (Twitter, Facebook)
JenJen’s Soapbox of Parodies (Twitter, Facebook)
Me (Twitter, Facebook)

This week’s sentence:
“One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…”

Next week’s sentence to finish: ”The last time I went on vacation, I…”

Here’s how I finished this week’s sentence:

One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…when I had a colonoscopy. I was having some issues in my “backyard” (rectum). And since I’m a hypochondriac, I immediately scheduled an appointment with my internist, hoping he could ease my mind with a quick diagnosis or refer me to a specialist.

I met with him the next day, and after a (surprise) “backyard” exam, he referred me to a specialist, who, thankfully, did not give me second exam, but instead, scheduled me for a colonoscopy. Mmm.

The best part of a colonoscopy is that during the procedure you’re sound asleep and completely unaware of the violations being committed on your body. I remember drowsily waking after my procedure thinking, “I would be fully content, dying right now, in this peaceful slumber. Take me away…Calgon.”

The worst part is the prep for the procedure. The day before, you’re required to drink, what seems like, a barrel full of liquid laxative. The flavor was not unlike what ginger-flavored sewage water might taste like. It’s intended to “clean you out.” In fact, the directions warn, “Stay near a toilet! You will have diarrhea.” Directions like that…I’m gonna follow.


NASA Goddard Photo and Video

I chose to chase the vile liquid with Cherry Coke. It helped me…Not. One. Bit. It was disgusting. What it did help with was taking every crumb of food I’d consumed in the previous six years, that might have been trapped inside the wee crevices of my small intestine, and shot them out my backside with the force of the Discovery blast-off. Repeatedly. All day.

So, of course, I had to share my experience with my best friend.

I found Felicity’s most recent email, opened it, hit reply, and in graphic detail, described to her how my intestines were turning inside out, while simultaneously attacking other organs like a bengal tiger attacks it’s dinner.

I hit send and smiled at the thought of her simultaneously laughing and being grossed out. Yes, I’m disgusting.

Have you ever experience one of those moments where your brain recognizes your error and screams, “STOP!”, but your body is still moving forward? That was one of those moments.

Instead of hitting ‘Reply’ on the mass email she had forwarded me, I had hit, ‘Reply ALL’!

Oh crap. OH CRAP!!! Her family and friends and our mutualfriends will see what I wrote about the sad state of my bowels! I mentally scanned through a list of our college friends. No! No! NO!!!

In my panic, I pulled up her email again, clicked ‘Reply ALL’ and quickly typed in the subject line, “Please ignore the previous email from me. Sorry.” and hastily clicked send.

Oh crap. OH CRAP!!! Telling someone to ignore your email is like saying, “Read Me. Read Me. Exclusive information in here!”

Needless to say, over the next hour I received a number of emails guffawing at my error and giving me “wise” words of advice to comfort my bowels.

The really painful thing is that I went through all that to find out that I only had your regular, every day, garden-variety hemorrhoids.

Lesson: Be careful when hitting ‘Reply All’.



Now tell me, in the comments, something embarrassing you’ve done (you’re in good company). Or write a post and link it up! And be sure to share my embarrassment with all your FB and Twitter friends.

  

Finish the Sentence Friday

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Comments

What The Space Shuttle & My Colon Have In Common (FTSF #2) — 43 Comments

  1. Good gravy! I thought it was called Finish the Sentence FRIDAY!! How are 20 people linked up on Thursday night already??? Looks like you’ve got yourself a winner of a link-up, Kate! See you again on FRIDAY.

  2. So far you win and will say this I have had my own issues in that department, but thankfully have not needed a colonoscopy yet. My father-in-law needed one and remember hearing similar to what you described, but he never sent an e-mail out, just kind of heard it through the grapevine (Kevin, lol). Awesome Kate, seriously…loved this :)

  3. Oy vey! I’ve heard those colonoscopy preps are BAD with a capital B…I’m dreading when I have to do one in the not too distant future (yes, I’m almost that old)…Those “reply all” mistakes can certainly be embarrassing and in some cases, fatal…lucky for you it was the former and at least others had a good laugh…:)

  4. At first, I was going to comment about how YOUNG you are to be having a colonoscopy…then I read your post. Well, yours is gross. You win the grossness. I hope to win the hotness!

  5. HAHAHAHAHA!! Awesome link-up! I’ve definitely had some embarrassing things happen to me but I can’t think of any right now…. plus I’m sure I couldn’t top your story :)

  6. OK, that is really bad!! I would have been beyond mortified. Wow. I linked up a few hours ago, but my link seems to have vanished, so I linked up again.

  7. Here from MTMmixer.. Newest follower. This finishing the sentence friday sounds like fun and I think I will look into joining soon.

  8. LOL! When your bream screams STOP, but your body is still moving forward! OMG, I think I’ve sent a few ‘oops’ emails in the past, but never anything like that. HAHA!! The hubs got an accidental reply all from one of his student’s Moms, slagging him off once (thank God he’s got a sense of humor) … He also got one of the bum inspections done too.. I had to help him through the laxatives when we were dating. Not sexy.There’s a story there! Thank you for hosting this link-up! I love it, and I’m meeting lots of hilarious new bloggers, who are all inspiring me to write more! It just sucks I don’t have the time for any of that :(

  9. Once I got done laughing hysterically I actually *gasped* at the surprise ending! Great job with the comic suspense! I know firsthand how the colon purging experience is- I had a colonoscopy when I was 17 and it was Top Ten worst days of my life. The actual procedure was like a day at the spa.

  10. That’s EXACTLY what the procedure was like – a day at the spa. I was laying down, sleepy, everybody fawning over me. Loved it. Too bad everything else comes with it!

  11. Definitely my most embarrassing moment – the only good thing was that I didn’t have to physically face anyone. That would have been way worse – I would have been even more red in person.

  12. omg…this is ultra hilarious.

    Kate, I am sure it was very very embarrassing at that moment, but you must be having a nice laughter over it now.

  13. That is awesomely hilarious! For those of us that didn’t do such a thing, of course. I have been wracking my brain for a time when I was embarrassed, but I can’t think of a one. So, I’m not linking up, but I did mention the link up in today’s post. I’m having a great time going through everyone else’s!

  14. Guess who’s late to the party? I didn’t even know there was a Finish the sentence Friday and this week I really wish I did! I have a couple of embarrassing moments that have to do with pee! :-) As I commented on another post, I should send everyone that makes remarks that I talk about poop too much on my blog to this blog hop! I have two older posts I could possibly share, but neither really qualifies as my most embarrassing moment!

  15. Oh my. Anything I say will be hard pressed to beat THAT story. Is it weird that I haven’t really had an embarrassing moment since high school? Or maybe I just have very selective memory?

  16. Hey Kate! I’ve been hopping around, but it’s taking forever because everyone is SO FREAKIN’ AWESOME!! I haven’t had so much fun reading a linky in ages and my reading list has expanded again…I blame you ;)

  17. Wow this is seriously the coolest idea for a link up! Way cooler than all the lame what I wore posts! Next time I am going to have to join in on this- it just looks like so much fun. Just found your blog and I’m excited to get to know you better. Hope you don’t mind if I follow along…

    newest follower :)
    bonnie
    thelifeofbon.com

  18. I tend to be pretty careful to not get embarrassed – always checking my zipper, looking for food in my teeth in the mirror, trying to keep my mouth shut, etc. So I don’t have too many embarrassing moments (that I know of). I have a few other small things, but nothing like this one. And some, I do think I’ve blocked them out. :-)

  19. Great post–never done the reply all thing but I’m a total hypochondriac so I’m always coming up with horrible diseases I think I have!

  20. Ooshhh, hemorrhoids AND the squits all day. I have given birth 5 times, I am sure I don’t need to say any more.
    Totally feel for you, never mind the pain of embarrassment. I kind of let that sort of message out on purpose, I really don’t care,lol.

  21. Hi Kate, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com), and I’m visiting from Super Sunday Sync.

    This was sooooo funny! I don’t think I could say which part was funnier: bowel prep, no – reply all, no bowel prep, No….
    Dying.

    Anyway, thanks for posting this. If you’ve never visited yet, I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi

  22. Having had the poop inducing vile-tasting powdered drink for my own colonoscopy(gladly it wasn’t for anyone else’s) I can honestly say I would rather eat out of a cat litter tray than drink that shit again!

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