1. Gumball Machine Garbage – My son was just getting into Angry Birds when we passed a gumball machine that had an Angry Birds sticker in it. He had to have that sticker. We tried coaching him on making good choices with his money, but he was determined. His heart was set on the Angry Birds sticker. He put his two quarters in and instead of an Angry Birds sticker a Chicago Bears sticker came out.
He’s a Packers fan. Instant tears.
2. Fluorescent light fixture – I joined FreeCycle and found someone getting rid of a fluorescent light. I had been looking for one to use in my laundry room to grow seedlings for my garden. I drove to the person’s house to pick it up. As I drove up their quarter-mile long driveway I saw the light leaning up against the house. It was 10 feet long. That thing wouldn’t fit in my laundry room. I didn’t want it. But I was already in their driveway, parked in front of their house, gawking at the light. What if they were inside looking at me through their windows? I couldn’t just take off, peeling out of their driveway without the light because I’d get blacklisted. So I loaded that dumb thing into my car – put down the back seat of the mini-van and everything.
That was two years ago. It’s still sitting in our garage.
3. The Vega – I could write a whole post about The Vega. That was what we called it. It’s almost like saying a cuss word. The Vega.
It was a lemon.
|Here’s a picture of me with The Vega,
pooping my pants or something.
The Vega leaked oil like my eyes leaked tears the other night when I watched The Time Traveler’s Wife. (Crap, that movie made me cry. Did you see that movie? Did it make you cry?)
We checked the oil so frequently on The Vega, that even I learned how to check the oil on it. I was 17 and couldn’t boil water to make my staple meal of macaroni and barbecue sauce, but I’d been checking The Vega’s oil since I was 10. To this day, if I ever mention anything about my car, even if it’s about the break light, my mom asks if I checked the oil recently.
4. Satin pink glittery roller disco jacket. Be still my cantering heart, that thing was gorgeous! Unfortunately, I only wore it twice because I felt embarrassed by all its glam. My best friend had a matching purple one. She wore hers everywhere. I was so jealous that she was comfortable rocking the glitter when I wasn’t.
5. A game from Goodwill – Before I buy any games at Goodwill I always check to make sure all the pawns, dice, fake money, or any other little pieces of game are in the box. Everything for this particular game looked good, so I bought it. I pulled it out a week later only to find that, apparently, there was supposed to be a game board with it. Who checks for the game board? That’s the kind of crap game you get for 99 cents.
6. A Bike I got for Christmas when I was four years old – I was so excited to come down and find a brand new bike sitting next to the Christmas tree that morning. I got on the bike and my parents took my picture.
Then I tried pedaling around the living room. The pedals wouldn’t move. They were locked. My dad’s a pretty handy guy and he couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
I never rode the bike. Sometimes I would visit it in the broken-down, rusty shed way in the back of the yard and wonder what we could have been together. Sometimes I did this years later, even after I got the really cool bike with the green and white banana seat and matching handle bar tassels.
7. Bowl at Ikea – I was shopping for some indestructible bowls when we were waiting to adopt our daughter. I found one at Ikea that actually stuck to the table. How cool is that? It sticks to the table so your kid can’t knock the food out onto the floor. It was $10.
I bought one.
I got it home and it didn’t stick to the table. Apparently, they had glued the sample bowl to the table. And then I thought how would I have cleaned the bowl if it were stuck to the table?
8. Car charger power cord for portable DVD player – We lost the car charger cord for our DVD player and were two days away from a long driving trip with the kids. Steve went to Best Buy to get a new one. He told them what model DVD player we had. They found one in the store and plugged in the universal cord to make sure it worked.
He bought it. We took it on our trip. I went to plug it into the DVD player and it didn’t fit. We still have the stupid thing, hoping someday we’ll find something to plug it into.
9. Magazine subscription – One day a college-age student came to our door asking us to buy magazine subscriptions to support her for something, maybe a trip to Cancun, I have no idea. Anyway, we felt kind of bad for her and bought a subscription. We used our credit card to buy it (somewhat really dumb). A year later when the subscription ran out (and we didn’t really want the magazine anymore), the magazine “dealer” automatically re-subscribed us.
There was no phone number to call to stop the subscription, so we called our credit card company and they said they couldn’t do anything about it.
The company re-subscribed us for three years. I wanted to burn those magazines when they arrived in our mailbox each month taunting me. Finally, we had to cancel our credit card. It was the only way to stop the magazine from re-subscribing us.
10. Waste-of-Life Meeting – I didn’t purchase anything for this one, but wasted my valuable time. I was studying one afternoon for a final exam the next day when one of my co-workers came to my house. He invited me to a meeting where I could learn about purchasing quality items, like Coke and cleaning products, at cheaper prices.
The magic words “cheaper prices” was all it took to get me to drop the books and head out to this exciting meeting with him. It wasn’t until an hour into the meeting that they mentioned the word Amway. My co-worker had sucked me into a pyramid-scheme meeting when I should have been at home studying for my final exam!
The sad thing was that just one month earlier, my best friend had gotten sucked into attending a “job interview” that turned out to be Amway. I had laughed and laughed at how gullible he was. Then it was his turn to laugh even harder at me.
So, what was one of your dumbest purchases? Tell me in the comments. Then share this with all your friends and enemies on Facebook, Twitter or email by clicking one of those little buttons below.