When I saw the Monday Listicles this week, suggested by Ducky at Bat Crap Crazy (she’s hilarious, BTW), I immediately thought of my mom. I’ve teased her about carrying around a beach bag-sized purse since I was old enough to understand the word sarcasm. So I had to present her purse on my blog-thingy here.
But, so she wouldn’t feel bad, I took a picture of my purse too. It’s kind of boring.
- Wadded up Receipts
- Unused wadded up napkins
- Dried apples for snacking
- Panda Express Fortune cookie and Chocolate chip cookie
- Ortho wax for my son’s braces
- Wisp disposable toothbrush – I’ve never used one and I don’t know what happened to the missing one.
- Notepad/notebook where I write everything for my blog
- Expired coupon for Jamba Juice
- List of apple orchards when we went apple picking last September
- Happy Meal Transformer toy my son didn’t want to keep, which is right next to the “Bonus” piece of Happy Meal cardboard he did want to keep
See, that was boring. Now onto my mom’s purse. I picked out 10 highlights of our “purse interview”:
Me: What’s that hook thing? It looks like you could impale someone with it.
Mom: That’s my purse hook. A friend gave it to me. I hang my purse on it when I go to a restaurant. It hangs on the table.
Me: Do you have any comments on the Germ-X?
Mom: It has to be full at all times. But, if I know I’m going someplace really dirty I take some of those wipes in a plastic baggie and wipe everything down. That’s very seldom though.
Me: Why do you have a plastic fork?
Mom: That’s in case I go someplace and I get disgusted (by their uncleanliness) then I just use my own fork. Or get up and walk out. But that only happened once. I was a little embarrassed because I was with some people.
Me: What year is that cell phone from?
Mom: It’s only a year and a half old.
Me: It looks like it’s from the previous millennium.
Mom: It’s got a camera. It’s new.
Me: Why do you have a personal alarm?
Mom: In case someone wants to force me into their car. Don’t you watch the news?
Me: (laughing) It’s all just so funny.
Mom: (surprised that I’m laughing) There’s nothing funny about it. I gotta have this stuff.
Me: What do you typically use the scissors for?
Mom: In case I have to cut a bag.
Me: What do you mean, “cut a bag”?
Mom: If for some reason I have to cut a bag to…like yesterday…Kathy couldn’t open this bag of candy. So I cut it.
Me: What?-Why do you have a tape measure in your purse?
Mom: In case I want to measure something. That’s what you do when you get old.
Me: What’s that white tube thing?
Mom: That’s my flashlight.
Me: What do you do with your flashlight?
Mom: Make little hand puppet shadows with it. That’s what I did with Fleurette. (my niece)
Me: (laughing hard)
Mom: In case I’m out and the lights go out.
Me: Has that ever happened?
Me: Is that Dentyne Fire like cinnamon-flavored.
Mom: Ohh, that gum, it’s a mistake. It sets my mouth on fire.
Me: Why do you still have it in your purse?
Mom: Hey…halitosis. You never know when I might meet someone that invades my personal space: Hold on, let me get my hot Dentyne out.
Me: You have medicine there. Are those really just vitamins?
Mom: No, they’re anti-anxiety pills. I need those for going up in the mountains. (she lives in Colorado) Everybody drives like maniacs. And everybody else is trying to keep up with those maniacs.
Mom: You have to remember that when I was your age I had a small purse.
Me: No you didn’t. You’ve always had a big purse.
Mom: Well, I can’t remember. I haven’t taken my memory pills. They’re not in my purse.
Me: So what do you typically have in there, but you removed for the picture?
Mom: Wadded up receipts. A “MACDonald’s sandwich” if it’s Wednesday.
Me: What? McDonald’s sandwich? Why?
Mom: Sometimes I buy one to take with me and since I already have the water, I figure I have a meal. You have to be prepared like a Girl Scout when you’re older.
I also asked what the green tube is. She said it’s “under-eye de-puffer,” “so I don’t look like I have a hang-over.” (she doesn’t even drink)
So, what unusual things do you have hiding in your purse?