Oh No He Di’int Gimme That Gift

Happy Chinese New Year! This week’s Monday Listicles is: 10 “OH NO YOU DIDN’T” gifts in honor of Valentine's Day, suggested by Stasha at The Good Life.

This one is pretty easy for me because Steve and I are not very good at giving each other gifts. We have a history of giving each other things the other is not really interested in.

You’d think we never communicate based on our inability to get each other what we truly want, and to some degree, that’s true, but over time we’re learning. Kind of. Steve just said, "Basically, everything I ever learned about buying gifts for a woman, didn't help me one bit with my wife."

With that said, here are some gifts that Steve has given me over the years that left me saying, “Oh no he di’int gimme…” followed by gifts that left me saying, “Oh yes, my man did give me…”

1.a. Oh no he di’int gimme fancy brand-name clothes.

Okay, I think we all know that I’m not really the dressy type. I’m more of the pajamas all day jeans-wearing type.  I don’t go anywhere, other than the occasional wedding, that requires me to dress up, so there’s no point in Steve wasting money on something dressy for me that I’ll never wear.  He bought me a black dress when we first got married. I wore it once. I out-fatted it before I was ever able to wear it again.

1.b. Oh yes, my man did get me a gift card to Goodwill.

This is about the best gift he could ever give me. Practical. Cheap. Thrifty. Frugal (are there any other synonyms for cheap?). Thrill of a Hunt. All wrapped up in one little gift card. Brand name clothes at less than miser prices. Perfection.

2.a. Oh no he di’int gimme fine jewelry.

Before we adopted our daughter, almost a year ago, I used to wear the same exact pair of earrings every single day. But she took one and lost it, so now I wear none.

Typically, the only jewelry I wear is my wedding band...and my Ironman watch, but that probably doesn't count as jewelry.  I think it was our first anniversary after we were married that Steve gave me some diamond and sapphire earrings. I thought they were beautiful…and fancy. But the posts were so big that it felt like I was walking around with telephone poles in my ear holes. I think I’ve worn them twice.  We just never go anyplace where I’d wear them. They’re just not appropriate for Taco Bell and Chuck E. Cheese…and Goodwill.

2.b. Oh yes, my man did get me a baking sheet.

Yes, I’m practical, in case you hadn’t noticed. All my baking sheets looked like I had baked a giant cheese-covered chicken on top of them. So, I was excited to get a new baking sheet for Christmas this year.

3.a. Oh no he di’int gimme roses on Valentine’s Day.

The first year we got married, Steve bought me roses on Valentine’s Day.  They were too expensive and died four days later.

3.b. Oh yes, my man did give me colorful flowers he picked up at the grocery store on his way home from work.

I think they cost about five dollars, they were beautiful, and even though they died four days later, it showed me that he thought enough about me to stop after a long day of work to buy me some flowers.

Now, granted, he probably went in to pick up cream cheese for his bagels the next morning, but he did have to go all the way to a different part of the store to get the flowers, so it still made me feel good.

4.a. Oh no he di’int gimme clothing purchased on the internet.

Purchasing from the internet is like a guarantee that it won’t fit me and will need to be returned. Returning something purchased on the internet is a pain in my what-I-self-consciously-think-is-giant butt because I don’t know how to do it, which means I have to take time out from blogging and tweeting my busy day to research the steps. Bleh.

4.b. Oh yes, my man did give me furry black Crocs he purchased on the internet.

Yes, they’re butt-ugly, but they’re also butt-comfortable. At first, I was upset about the fact that they were purchased on the internet because they didn’t fit (surprise). I thought, these will sit on the bench in our foyer for the rest of my life. But, it turns out the Crocs kiosk in the mall was happy to exchange them. The gift had a complete makeover: totally sucky to totally awesome.

5.a. Oh no he di’int gimme Peeps Clothing.

Yes, I’m practical, but Peeps?

Here’s me on Christmas Day showing off my Peeps hat and Chillin' with my Peeps shirt...

See my ugly-comfy Crocs?

...like I love them. I’m such a freaking liar.

A few days later, I cried and said to Steve, “You don’t even know me. My sister loves Peeps. Not me! I hate Peeps. They’re squishy and marshmallowey and stick to your teeth.”

In his defense, he said our eight year old picked the items out. So then I felt like a giant whiney pile of crap, full of first world problems...which, of course, I am. 

I kept the shirt and gave the hat to my sister.

5.b. Oh yes, my man did give me a Worm Farm.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s always worth mentioning again because it rocks so much.  Here’s a picture of me making out with my worms. Not really, that would be gross. Steve gave me a worm farm for our 10-year anniversary last year. I gave him an article on worm-farming and told him I wanted one. He did all the research and bought it. True love.

In case you’re wondering why I have the worm farm: they make organic matter (poop) from our fruit and vegetable scraps which does wonders for my garden.

Now, tell me something your significant other gave you that made you say, "OH NO HE/SHE DI'INT!"

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