The hardest part of my day is…freaking breakfast with my kids. It ain’t even funny, people. Like I can’t write funny about our breakfast time because even thinking about it ticks me off.
Me: What would you like for breakfast? Here are your options: Oatmeal or…oatmeal.
8yo: Can I have cereal?
Me: No, that’s not oatmeal. You can have cereal on Wednesday and Saturday. Waffles, the other two days. Today is oatmeal day.
4yo: No WANT oatmeal.
7yo: (sulky look) Why don’t you ever make us pancakes? I love pancakes. Thumpback is a strong guy. He has an anchor and lets it go to hit bad guys.
Me: … Welp…sorry. Oatmeal’s what we got. Pancakes have too many ingredients.
4yo: Oatmeal skusting!
Me: You love oatmeal.
4yo: Skusting. Yucky!
Me: Well, then I guess you won’t eat.
4yo: (crying commences)
8yo: Thumpback can also snap at guys, like a Great White and he has razor sharp teeth like a Great White. Can I have a quesadilla? Would you tell her to STOP CRYING!
Me: No, you’re not having a quesadilla. You ate a half a block of cheese yesterday. You’re not eating a quesadilla.
8yo: Sorry, Mama.
7yo: Why are you always on the computer?
Me: …. I’m not always on the computer. Sometimes I’m on my iPad and sometimes on my iPhone. (checks Twitter)
7yo: I don’t want to go to camp. (tears forming) I won’t get any mama time. I never get enough mama time.
Me: You sat and watched a movie for two hours last night. You could have had mama time then.
7yo: (full-on crying)
8yo: STOP CRYING!!
Me: Why does it smell like poop? Did you poop? (checks 4yo’s Pull-up, no poop) Where is that smell coming from?
8yo: (snickering) Josiah tooted.
7yo: (screams of rage)
Me: Alright! The two of you, go to your rooms and calm down. I’m making oatmeal.
4yo/7yo: (wail all the way up the steps, 4yo slams her door)
8yo: I’ll eat oatmeal, mama. I love oatmeal.
(30 seconds pass)
4yo: (opens bedroom door) Come out now?!
Me: Are you going to be okay with oatmeal?
4yo: (huff, huff, moan, huff) Okaaaaay.
Me: Then you can come out. Josiah! You can come out when you’re calmed down.
4yo: (standing outside Josiah’s door) Siah! You come out now!
Everyone gathers around the table.
Me: Okay, who wants to pray?
7yo: Can I take my Skylanders Thumpback picture to camp?
Me: … Okay, forget it. Just eat. And eat fast because we need to leave in 15 minutes.
I have to say that this week while my kids have been at camp, breakfast hasn’t been so bad. But pick-up time at camp? I just want to lie down and die of embarrassment when my kids reunite and immediately start punching, kicking, and pushing each other down while I’m still trying to get them checked out. So this week, pick-up time at camp sucks most. But next week, it’ll be back to breakfast. I’m sure of it because we have swim lessons at the butt-crack of dawn.
This post has been part of Finish The Sentence Friday.
Next week’s sentence: If I could have dinner with anyone in history it would be with…