I Pooped My Sheet!

One of my favorite childhood memories...goes back to when I was five years old. I don’t know if I would call this one of my favorite memories because it’s the first memory I have of being embarrassed. Unless you count that time we were at Disney World and I grabbed a strange man’s hand on the escalator thinking it was my dad, but that’s kind of a boring story.

I attended a preschool and summer camp called Browne Academy in Alexandria, Virginia. It was pronounced Brownie Academy. I’m not sure why, but it was. At least while I attended. And no, it wasn’t just me who called it that. The main building at the academy was a big white stone mansion. I always liked  to say “the academy” because it made me feel like we were rich even though we weren’t. Just like when in the molten hot days of summer I would sometimes leave the window rolled up on my side of the car while we drove around, so people would think we were rich and had air-conditioning in our Chevy Vega.

The distinct memory I have occurred in the big white stone mansion, amidst a cluster of children gathered around our nap-time cots. The cots were like those old army cots with wooden legs that made the shape of an “X” on each end, and were covered with a piece of canvas. Each kid had a crib sheet brought from home that snuggly fit over the canvas. I still have the little pastel-colored choo choo train-printed sheet I used, which my own kids used when they were in their toddler beds – which is interesting considering what happened to the sheet.

We were all gathered around our cots, naked from the waist down. I’m not really sure why we were naked. I’m hoping it was because the academy had a swimming pool and we were in the process of changing from our bathing suits to our street clothes. I was seated on my cot and we were all giggling at this boy, Jason, whose back was turned to us, fully exposing his tiny derriere. We were giggling not because he was naked, since we all were, but because some one had just said, “Ooh, someone made a stinky!”

I said, “It was Jason. Look at his butt!”

All the kids joined in, “Jason made a stinky! Jason made a stinky!”

Jason said, “It wasn’t me. It was her!” and pointed at me.

“But your butt’s sticking out!” I said as I stood up to put on my underwear.

When I stood, Jason pointed at my cot and said, “See, it is you.” I turned around to look at my cot and sitting right there on top of my pastel-colored choo choo train-printed crib sheet was something that could only be described as a cat turd. I had pooped my sheet! The stinky had come from me!

Browne Academy – big white stone mansion

How did that happen? I didn’t even feel it! I searched for any way I could to prove that that poop wasn’t from me, but there was no way out. There were no cats around to blame the turd on. It was obvious that I had pooped and made the stinky. 

All the kids laughed and the teacher came over and yelled at me for laying a mini-load on my crib sheet. It was 1975, that’s what teachers did – they yelled. I guess it was supposed to toughen us up. I don’t think I was too scarred, but I do remember from then on I never pooped my sheet again. I just went in my pants. That worked for me for years. 

So, tell me, did you ever poop your sheet?

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I Pooped My Sheet! — 52 Comments

  1. Oh man teachers did do a lot of yelling in the 70s and 80s, but still I must say I never did have quite an experience like that. I do remember having a bloody nose during a elementary school assembly where we were watching a video with the lights out. I thought my nose was running, but when the lights came on, I was truly surprised by the fact that I was covered in blood. I remember my mom coming up thankfully with a change of clothes and like you was definitely more then a bit embarrassed.

  2. OMG!!!! That reminds me of farting in 7th grade and trying to blame it on somebody else!!! (totally didn’t work, either). I can’t believe you still have the sheet!!!

  3. I’ve got the giggles now. I remember walking around with a load on my butt long after I knew better because my dad took too long in the bathroom. And yeah teachers were mean back in the day. I got swacked with a ruler once. I know swacked isn’t a word but that’s what it “sounded” like.

  4. LOL I totally remember camp counselors yelling! But they did scare me. There is a picture of me at gymnastics camp when I was 5. I AM NOT smiling. I remember my mean counselor to this day. Also had a counselor yell at me for putting toilet paper in the garbage can instead of the toilet. WHO CARES?!

  5. Nope never pooped my sheet but I did pee my skirt. Does that count? I had to go in Gr. 2 and I put my hand up and asked “Can I please go to the bathroom.” My teacher, Mrs. Jinx (unfortunate name) said with a smirk “No. Not until you ask properly.” She wanted me to say “May I please…” i knew that and was annoyed so I peed right then and there. Had to spend the rest of the afternoon perched on the class radiator, steaming.

  6. They were really mean. My 4th grade teacher bragged about the paddle she had hanging on the wall – it had holes in it, so it wouldn’t have any wind-resistance when it was traveling through the air to your rear-end. WTH?

  7. I know – it’s crazy. I went and pulled it out of the box where I keep some of my kid’s clothes that I can’t part with…I also have a few of my own clothes from when I was a kid.

  8. A discussion recently came up about whether it’s fair to post stories about your kids, etc., since they have no say in it, and what goes on the computer it out there for good. In your case, you have the benefit of being able to tell anyone in your path that what you share about yourself is much more embarrassing than anything you could possibly share bout them lol.

  9. First off, that camp looks nothing like any summer camp I ever went to! What a beautiful house!
    Next off – poor you! And certainly, it’s the embarrassing moments (like those) that can stick with you.

  10. Ha! I can see why you would remember that! Now, I feel bad for my first grader. Earlier this year, I got a call to bring her a change of clothes because she had peed herself. I was actually kind of mad. I mean, she’s been potty trained for a few years and all of a sudden she peed herself at school!! WTF?!? Now, I’m hoping the other kids didn’t tease her and leave her “scarred” for life!

  11. Oh no! I’m so sorry, Kate, but your poo story made me laugh out loud! I have many a story of letting wind pass and wishing desperately that there was someone else to blame when there wasn’t, but so far I don’t think I’ve ever let poo escape in public! LOL! Your teacher was a nasty piece of work though for yelling at you, but as you say, no-one thought much about kids’ feelings back then, did they? The Academy looks like a gorgeous building … love how you pooped publicly in such a posh place!

  12. Oh wow! Such a shame there were no cats around! I hope the other kids all still let you play after that :)

    I don’t think I ever pooped or peed myself in public. That I remember, anyway. I did ride into the back of a parked car on my bike once, though, and a woman stopped to see if I was okay….and apparently at our first school swimming lesson (probably aged about 7) my old and beloved swimsuit went completely see-through, and no-one saw fit to tell me until AFTER the lesson…

  13. I’ve been having those thoughts lately (the past year) about blogging about my kids. Now that they’re a little older, I run my posts about them by them first. I don’t really blog much about them though. But I have some old posts on here that I question whether I should keep on. Some, I’ve removed.

  14. I don’t think kids REALLY start to get embarrassed until around 3rd grade. I did stupid things in 1st grade that didn’t phase me at all then, but I wouldn’t have been caught dead doing in 3rd or 4th grade.

  15. Duuude, you totally shat yourself in public. I don’t even care that you were too young to really worry ;) Your story trumps mine forsure :D

  16. Okay, considering your not scarred by this I feel I can tell you that I am laughing way too hard right now! But I’ll give back because that’s the kind of girl I am….in third grade, I was laughing so hard at something that milk came out my nose AND I peed my pants,,,,in the school cafeteria!
    Really funny story and a great way to start the day!

  17. We had a cat when my daughter was younger (an adult now), when she was about 15 (imagine hormonal emotional tantrum prone teenage girl) the cat was ??sick?? not sure why it happened but he crawled under her sheets and pooped LOTS. She awoke to toes filled with STINKY cat poo and very mad… I had to lock myself in my room so she couldn’t see me laughing my self into delirium. So, no stinky butt stories, but the cat… oh that poor cat!

  18. I think she does play favourites(honorary Brit!) and since she won’t tell us, IT AIN’T US!! We need to find her fave and get rid of them!

  19. OMG, there is so much that is hilarious about this I don’t even know where to begin. That is one of the worst inappropriate pooping stories ever. And those yelling teachers should be ashamed of themselves.

  20. WHOOT! Special extra ‘u’! Thank you :D

    And no. It’s not us. I see that now. *scans comments* I think it’s Kim@Wampumhome (up there)…how shall we oust her?

    (and also, will this GUARANTEE that we’re back in Kate’s good books?)

  21. So just pooping in your pants worked for you for years, huh? You crack me up Kate. Not enough that I would accidentally poop my sheets, but you are pretty damn funny.

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