I haven’t been blogging much lately. No Twitter interviews, no funny posts, nothing. Well except the Top 10 Funniest Tweets posts, but that’s it. It’s been a nice break. I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things soon.
I tweaked my back yesterday by throwing something into the hamper. Yes, you heard that right. I hurt my back throwing something into the hamper. I did a little twist and lean and then ACK!, I went to the floor.
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." I chant as I attempt to get up off the floor after tweaking my back.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) March 7, 2017
I couldn’t get up. I was in the middle of changing my shirt, so my shirt was hanging around my neck. If I hadn’t been in so much pain I would have been laughing. I had to take Autumn to swim lessons, so I needed to get up, I couldn’t just live there from now on. Fortunately, I had started the process of getting ready to go 10 minutes ahead of schedule – which is awesome because usually I start getting ready to leave three minutes before we need to go and that’s why we’re always late for everything. So I was able to take my time getting up off the floor. Granted I had to do lamaze breathing to get up, but I made it.
Once I was up and got my arms in my sleeves I had to walk kind of hunched over and really slowly. We made it to the pool; I looked like an 80-year-old sitting down and getting up out of the chair. I got home, took two Ibuprophen and laid on the heating pad most of the evening binge-watching Offspring on Netflix. It’s an Australian dramedy I’m hooked on.
My back is better today, but I’ve been taking it easy, not moving as much. Binge-watching helps.
Anyway, let’s talk about what I did the past two months via my tweets because talking about back pain and getting old sucks. So…
I threatened my kids.
"Well, if you don't, I'll take away your screen time."
– my family motto
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 10, 2017
I went out to eat.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
-Me, shortly after eating Taco Bell
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 11, 2017
I realized what parenting is really all about.
90% of parenting is trying to determine if your kids' feelings are genuine or just them trying to manipulate the crap out of you again.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 12, 2017
I worked out.
The cool down to my workout routine today involved eating two leftover Reese's Christmas trees.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 13, 2017
I made some goals.
My goals today are pretty much just to brush my teeth. So glad I have till the end of the day.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 15, 2017
I played Jeopardy.
Parenting for $800.
Alex: Answer: I HAVE TO POOP.
Me: What is "What kids say as you leave the driveway"?
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 17, 2017
I got on Facebook.
Oh, shut up.
– me, about everything I read on Facebook
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 19, 2017
All the sanctimommies can kiss my butt.
I reminisced about Gilligan’s Island.
Based on TV I watched as a kid, I thought I'd have encountered a lot more quicksand threats by now.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 23, 2017
I played a game with Autumn.
[8yo makes up a game]
Me: How do you win?
8: It's just for fun. There's no winner or loser. Is that ok?
Narrator: It was not ok.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 26, 2017
We got some new living room furniture and I realized that based on the way my kids jump and climb on it, they should just do this.
They should just make playgrounds out of living room furniture.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 9, 2017
I displayed my fashion sense.
Sister: I keep waiting for the fanny pack to come back.
Me: What do you mean "come back?"
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 9, 2017
I made big plans for the weekend.
If all goes as planned I'm going to spend my weekend like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 11, 2017
I watched the Grammys.
I criticize people on the red carpet a lot for someone who walked around with their shirt on backwards most of the day.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 13, 2017
I didn’t really watch them I just tweeted about them. Or maybe it was the Oscars? I don’t know.
Valentine’s Day came and went.
We've secretly replaced her Valentine's Day card with a sink full of dirty dishes. Let's see if she notices.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 14, 2017
That’s a total joke. Steve didn’t leave any dirty dishes. He actually got me a giant heart-shaped tin of chocolates. I, on the other hand, ran out to the store that day after waking up to the card and chocolates, to buy him a card because I THOUGHT WE WEREN’T DOING VALENTINE’S DAY THIS YEAR!
And finally I thought about life before and after kids.
Before kids: OMG, gross, I HAVE to shower everyday.
After kids: Isn't showering more than a few times a week bad for your skin anyway?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 24, 2017
And that’s about all the tweeting I’ve done – at least any that was worth sharing here. A lot of bombs the past two weeks. Meh. I’m in a slump.
So what have you been up to?