Are you familiar with James Breakwell? Or maybe his handle, @XplodingUnicorn? If not, then you might live under a rock. Or you might be my parents. Either way, he’s big time. He’s internet famous. He’s closing in on one million followers on Twitter. And his Facebook and Instagram pages are pretty mammoth too. For those of you not living under a rock or who are not my parents, you might recognize him from gems like these…
Me: What's wrong?
She's finally an adult.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2016
My wife combined so many coupons the grocery store actually paid her.
She's been talking about it for 20 minutes.
This is her Super Bowl.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2017
5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?
Me: To look pretty.
5: But she's already pretty.
5: Dad, you should wear makeup.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2015
Whether you recognize him or not, he’s got a new book out today. It’s called Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. You can buy it HERE.
He sent me a copy for FREE to review and so I did! Because I love free stuff.
Let me start off by telling you, it’s hilarious! And I’m not even a zombie fan. But I do like satire, so I found this book very funny. Mostly because James is both funny and a good writer. I recently watched Santa Clarita Diet, the dark-comedy zombie show on Netflix. I laughed and laughed, it was so funny. But soon found myself getting nauseous and kind of grossed out, so I had to stop watching it. The bloody scenes and all the eating human flesh, while hilarious, made me want to barf. But this book doesn’t have those visually-disgusting blood baths. Instead it has James’ spot-on hilarious web comics, graphs and charts on every page. Every. Page. (Almost). So for those of you who don’t like to read a lot, it simultaneously won’t make you sick and it’s an easy read. But not too easy, there are plenty of words on every page for us readers.
My favorite part was in the Urban Gardner section (because I love vegetable gardening) in the Eat or Be Eaten chapter. You’ll probably have to garden after the apocalypse because all the food will be gone from the grocery stores and you can forget raising livestock because they zombies will eat all that. James discusses the pros and cons of various vegetables to grow, for example:
Pro: Technically, they’re food.
Con: Feeding them to kids is borderline child abuse.
He adds in the travails of gardening as a parent: kids carelessly trampling through your garden just like the zombies would. And he even includes tips on how to get your kids to eat those precious vegetables, such as:
“Do lie to them. Offer them all sorts of wonderful things if they finish their food. This is different than negotiating with terrorists because you won’t keep any of your promises.”
Now that’s a good tip.
I interviewed James last week on my Hall of Tweets blog. He’s trying to get out of his cubicle and into the world of professional comedy writing. This book is his ticket out of the cube. If he sells enough copies. So if you don’t buy a copy because it’s hilarious and because I told you to, go buy a copy out of pity. Because we all know cubicles suck. Mouth breathers, heavy sighers, open-mouth chewers, gum smackers, knuckle crackers, infiltrating your precious ear space from every side. I’m not sure which is worse, co-workers or zombies. Ahhhhhh!
So go on and click on over to buy his book and change his life because clearly he’s going to need a little more help than his aunt is giving.
My aunt: I'm so proud of you for writing a book. I hope you sell a million copies.
Me: Did you buy one?
Aunt: I thought about it.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 1, 2017
A butt-load of the funniest parenting tweets (even some by @XplodingUnicorn) all packed into one place! The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, available on Amazon. Or try the original, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets.